I was married to a man whom had a passive/aggressive behavior disorder. I did not know until several years after the end of that marriage what really had happen. I spent several years with the burden of all the guilt for the marriage failure. It was not until childhood friends and current friends helped me to unravel the truth of what I was responsible for. All the things I had been & others around our relationship had been manipulated to believe had to be unraveled to see what was really going on. PA is a inherently covert personality disorder. It was described by Bill O Reilly as totally & completely devastating to its victims because of its covert nature. I can tell you from personal experience having a spouse mislead you because they lack the self esteem to express their true opinions, feelings or concerns by lying straight to your face can be one of the most devastating behavioral disorders to be exposed to. Sabotage, control & manipulation are the abusers MO. PAs regularly violate trust covertly while claiming to be totally trustworthy & even appearing to be so as this is covert.. I can say being a victim of this that there is nothing worse then thinking, sensing that something does not add up in a relationship & having your spouse lie to you about how they really feel, from where you go on a vacation, to your financial matters, to your intimate relations, this PA behavior touchs everything covertly. The thing is that the whole time the perpetrator is well aware of what they are doing. Manipulating, controlling your emotions so as to get back at you... for their inability to stand up & articulate what they really feel , need or want. If you are in an early relationship with a PA... leave it immediately. At least in an overtly abusive relationship you have an obvious choice. With PA it could be years of suffering before you figure out you are not crazy & your anger is justified for being covertly controlled, abused & manipulated. Here are some of the passive aggressive ways people express their anger: ◾Grin fake: Saying “yes” and smiling pleasantly while meaning “no way”. ◾Denying hostility; “who me?” ◾Exploiting plausible deniability; “I never would have done that.” ◾Looking good while doing bad. ◾Delay and other forms of obstruction. ◾The “silent treatment” and other forms of pouting and playing the victim. ◾Stonewalling; stalling or delaying especially by refusing to answer questions or cooperate. ◾Manipulation; controlling people without letting them know you are doing so. Acting outside of trust. ◾Passive withdrawal, lack of response, lack of cooperation, sabotage, covert revenge. ◾Suffering in silence . . . while fueling resentment, justifying retaliation, and expecting to gain leverage, pity, or salvation for your suffering. ◾Playing the victim, feigning powerlessness, pretending you dont have any choices, denying your responsibility. ◾Playing the martyr—publicly selecting (or acquiescing to) an undesirable alternative for the purpose of justifying revenge or extracting pity. ◾Talking about your adversary while never talking to him about the troubling behavior.
Posted on: Sat, 30 Aug 2014 18:50:46 +0000
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