I was never the one to complain about my life. But as days pass by, I begin to question myself. Am I happy with where I am now? With what I am doing? Will I have a life that is far from the one I am living right now? I can still sleep at night, not worrying much about these. But I still catch myself thinking about these things, like at this moment. When I was younger, when I was featured in our school paper, I said that I wanna be a doctor. It is not clear to me now that I really wanted to become a doctor when I was younger. Maybe, just to fill that portion of the questionnaire, I wrote that profession. I learned that becoming a doctor is so expensive and my parents will never be able to support that. Seven years after that feature story, I saw myself working in a hospital. Not as a doctor but as an office staff. That was after I stopped my college education. I was an Accountancy student back then. An incident of not knowing what I really want, I took up Accountancy having limited knowledge of what I will expect from that course. I did not do well in any of my Accounting subjects. I was the student-who-would-take-the-qualifying-examination-every-end-of-semester-and-eventually-pass-it-to-move-on-to-the-next-semester. I was always on the verge of “elimination”, as how we call it back then. Luckily, I always make it to the cut. I was never good in my Accounting subjects, the exact opposite on how I excel in my minor subjects. Communication Arts. Art Appreciation. Filipino. It’s either a 1.25 or a 1. Will I ever regret taking up Accountancy in college? There is a part of me that feels like I wasted some years on studying a course that was not really what I want. A course which I really liked or something I am familiar with; maybe I should have picked one of these two. I am still not pretty sure now on what path I should have taken before. My mother is a teacher and I am kinda familiar with it. Maybe I should have chosen to become an educator too. I was a “trying hard” writer when I was in elementary up to high school and the fact that I am amazed with performance arts, I should have gone to any course related to the Arts. I am still clueless. If given the chance, I will still have a hard time selecting which course to take. Though I have wasted some years, it made me realize to just look at the brighter side of things. I may not able to finish Accountancy, I am not working on a career in line with that course, I am still clueless on where my life will be headed to, I am still grateful that I was able to meet wonderful people, people who I call FRIENDS. Friends who saw me as this happy person (as I always try). Friends who lent me not just their hands but all the things that a friend can provide (money, advice, moral support, harsh words when needed). Friends who saw the weaknesses I have and not even judging and leaving me inspite of all those flaws. Friends who will always be my constant reminder that I always have them when I feel like I don’t have anything (aside from my family, of course). Friends, friends, friends. Not to mention my high school and elementary friends I made all these years. As well as the friends I met when I started working and those I met outside the workplace. I have a lot of them. But being alone most of the time (though I have my workmates surrounding me), I still feel bothered with how my life is going to be days from now, on how it is going to unfold. I haven’t taken a bold step that I wanted before. Maybe I have doubts. Maybe I am having too many excuses not to do a certain task. Maybe I am afraid to take risks. Maybe I am afraid to take an unsure step, fall and get wounded. Whatever it may be, I believe that I should start thinking on what courageous action I should do before everything else is so, so late. As a friend once wrote, life is not short. We were given enough and we are challenged to maximize that time given to us. I hope I still have enough time to do what I want to fulfill. I never dreamt of a life fit for a royalty. I never dreamt big, for I just live life one day at a time. I am just ordinary. I am just plain. What I aspire are simple stuffs. I want to dance, perform and share the stage with my friends who I have always looked up to. I wanna go back to school and maybe pursue what my heart wants me to do. I wanna go places and see what this beautiful world has to offer. I wanna see my family enjoying even just a comfortable life. I wanna stop thinking about all the worries in life. I wanna help others, too. I wanna be more than the person that I am today. I wanna know my purpose.
Posted on: Wed, 05 Jun 2013 03:35:49 +0000
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