I was requested to find the diagram on shame i was mentioning in - TopicsExpress

I was requested to find the diagram on shame i was mentioning in the Jam recently, this was the closest picture i could find. Imagine an unmet need in the middle surrounded by a circle of shame. Avoiding the shame or deeper emotion pulls us out of the center, away from our unmet need. Eg. Person A says Why did you do that?, Person B has a fleeting moment of fear and sadness as their need (love/appreciation/joy) was not met, the shame of being judged as weak instantly disconnects Person B from their emotion and slides off outside of the circle of shame. Towards anger or withdraw. This is why in NVC Anger, Guilt and Shame are seen as secondary emotions, because they often cover over a primary emotion such as Grief, Sadness, Fear, Confusion, and Pain. Often the primary emotion will disappear before its had time to register at all, and it can take a concerted effort to sit with the icky place of anger/guilt/shame until it can reveal the hidden emotions and needs.

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