I was sitting in the counter when a lady walked into the shop. I thought she was a customer, so ushered her to go in and ask the staff whatever she wants. She hesitated to walk in, came close to me, as if to whisper something, and asked my permission to sit in the stool outside the shop and have her lunch, which she had brought from home as she was diabetic and her sugar level was going down. I smiled and told her to have her food. While I sat in the counter and looked out, I could see her, sitting on the stool, eating her food, slowly enjoying each bite and looking at everyone who passes by. She was not bothered that she was sitting in our shop entrance and almost blocking the way, she was not bothered that the dust from the busy road might be contaminating the food she was eating. She was not even bothered that the sunlight was hitting right on her face. I was fascinated by her care free attitude. I kept looking at her. It took her almost 45 minutes to finish her food. After finishing her food and washing her hand, she came to me and bowed, held both her palms together, thanked me. I asked what brought her to Medical College to which she smiled and told, I am diagnosed of Cancer. So have to consult the doctor here at RCC for my checkups. I asked her if she wants to sit in the shop for sometime, which she readily agreed. She spoke with so much confidence about how she has an acre of land with rubber trees and a house right in the middle in a place near Manimala. She spoke about her daily routine after her husband passed away three years back and about how successful her married life was even though they were never blessed with a child. She kept on talking. After sometime, I asked her hesitatingly whether she was scared when she knew she had cancer ? She smiled and said, You remind me of the young doctor who told me about my disease. When the doctor asked me if I have any relatives so that he can explain my disease to, I told him the only relative I have is my husband but I dont think doctor can explain it to him directly, as he is in heaven now. The doctor after lot of hesitation told me, that I have cancer. I realized he was feeling bad, so to lift his mood, I said he doesnt have to worry that he couldnt explain to my husband about my disease, I shall tell him on his behalf when I meet my husband soon. So to answer your question, No I am not scared and I was never scared when I knew about cancer. I was scared three years back when my husband passed away all of a sudden, thinking how will I live without hearing his voice, whom do I dress up for, whom do I crack jokes to. Most of them told me with time I would be fine. Believe me we wont be fine. What actually happens is we will be used to it, but never fine. We get used to the numbness. So probably now my lord believes it is enough of this numbness and for me the cancer is a blessing in disguise. For the last three years its just a prolonged journey, until I meet him again She spoke for some more time, and in between asked me about my wife. I dint want to tell this awesome woman who is still in love with her husband, that I dont believe in marriages. I told her, my imaginary wife will come by 2 pm with my lunch. After sometime she bid goodbye and left, promising to come visit me on her next check-up date. Though she looked all raw and unrefined, her words and her idea of love is mesmerizing. How she still holds on to it, fascinates me. An hour with her was like a gift, a different perception of life itself, the different discernment of confidence even when she had whole right to cry and break down. Her words about her husband and how she almost animatedly explained their life, was soothing to heart and soul. As they say the best gifts dont always come wrapped, sometimes they are just words you want to hear. Glad to have met someone as genuine as her, in a world with people like me, the beautifully wrapped packages, often empty inside
Posted on: Tue, 30 Sep 2014 02:08:14 +0000
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