I went to bed Saturday night after hearing the news hoping it was some kind of mistake. But I woke up Sunday, and I read your recently published obituary online in the newspaper myself, and that erased all doubt. I tried giving the football games I had so looked forward to all week my full attention, but this just wouldnt leave me alone. One of the members of an online Facebook group I belong to died of an apparent suicide last month, and the funeral was 5 days ago. There are so many in the group that I didnt get to really know her, but many other group members do. A picture she posted on her Facebook page 5 days before her death has become a love shrine for her closest friends. She put up a cover photo earlier last year that said Family Dont End With Blood which made me smile - at least she knew many of her friends, including those in our group, WERE her family. Of Icelandic descent, she seemed to be your typical teen - a beautiful blond haired/blue eyed girl with a sparkle all her own. A family including 2 sisters. But behind the facade - and perhaps the details known to very few - it appears she was very troubled. Eerily, 5 months before her death, she posted a R.I.P. I Just Died Facebook photo to see who would comment back to her and what they would say, as well as a fictional story of a young girl dying in the hospital and that girls last contact with her boyfriend. In retrospect, I can only wonder if this was her way of crying out for help. I know I shouldnt put this burden on my shoulders, but I still feel like I have failed one of my own. As one of the elders of the group, Ive always told them I would be there for them when/if they needed me. Now I know that SHE didnt know this, but I didnt try to get to know her even a little bit either, and what few opportunities I did have, I totally missed this. I keep going over this from the song Oh why, thats what I keep askin. Was there anything I could have said or done? Oh, I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul. There are group members hurting much more than I, and we all wish we could undo this. I hope those hurting the most - I know of at least one of her very close friends - can find some comfort and some peace. Somehow. God, this just sucks. Girl, I hope you have found that peace somewhere that you could not find here. And in your native tongue... Hvildu i friði Kolbrún Ásta (Rest in peace Kolbrun Asta) (aka Amanda) https://youtube/watch?v=j3_85GXsKqk
Posted on: Tue, 13 Jan 2015 01:15:17 +0000