I went to get a Starbucks which is just across the road from the Gansevoort Hotel here on Park Avenue and between the hotel and the Starbucks entrance my ears froze and my gentleman’s sausage snapped off and was picked up by a NYPD officer who is using it as a tooth pick. It is freezing…………oh FFS it’s cold. Most New Yorkers seem to be going about their business though and some are very prepared because I saw quite a few wearing sodding Ski Boots….yep ski boots. I mentioned yesterday here my hatred of skiing and one f the reasons is that bloody boot. Just putting it on requires a degree in physics and why does the thing have to be as heavy as a pregnant Yak? It is also made in such a way as that if and when you fall over your leg buckles at that point just above the ankle which brings the most severe pain and the swear words that follow will have Mums covering kids ears on a slope a mile away. There is the falling over……………which is embarrassing enough …………it’s the getting up which makes you look like you have just drunk a barrel of that hot red wine crap and are now attempting to piss like a dog with one leg cocked in the air. While you are doing this and just as your arse hits the ground yet again, some 8-year-old kid bombs past you wearing an Armani ski jacket and a free ice cream reference to previous post) in one hand laughing at the fat bloke trying to stand up. Then, feeling like a complete wanker and not wanting to be the comic relief of the slopes you take ski lessons. The instructor is usually called Sven or Francois and usually they are chiseled Gods……………these lessons are bloody hopeless because unless you are wearing tight ski pants and have huge breasts they will completely ignore you. They are rude and condescending and when you fall over they shout, laugh or completely ignore you while they make sure Lucinda’s thighs are in the right position. Then there is that thing they call après ski…………I thought it would be a world of nightclubs and trendy bars and it probably was. The trouble was I was so battered and bruised form the skiing that all I wanted to do was go to bed and dream of sticking a ski pole up the Ski instructors brown slope. Anyway, I have to get to the venue and will write more from there soon. Cheers
Posted on: Wed, 22 Jan 2014 16:41:23 +0000