I wish my life was different. I cant stand any aspect of my life the way it is. They say it gets worse before it gets better. In my expierience I find that to be false. And when it is good, its temporary and leads to disappointment. I try to be humble, I try to be selfless. I try to do whats right by the good lord as well as my peers. Im not sure I know right from wrong anymore. My life is a hot mess. Im so lost, and I dont know how to find myself. Im stuck in a rut, and its deep. Ive done so much wrong I feel like I cant make everything right in my life time. Everything thats can go wrong does. I dont know why I was dealt this life, I dont understand anything about my life. I wish I could find the answers. I feel so alone, though I have people to talk to. But, how can I make them understand, when I myself dont understand my very own struggle. Its just nother thats simple. Its my life, my pain, my failures, my disappointments. Which is tearing away at me slowly each day. Everyday is a constant struggle. I battle myself, and my thoughts everyday to be stronger than the previous day. I try so hard to be happy. I try to tell myself itll be ok. But, in reality I know it wont be. Ive become accustomed to being unhappy and I try to conceal it with humor. But as much as I dont want to admit it. Its fake. I hide behind fake smiles. Im tired now though. Everyone keeps telling me itll gets better. But, im sorry to say it wont. Not for me. Ive been hearing those same lies for too long. At some point a person realizes whats really, and whats a fairy tale. Im done trying. Im too tired, too old, and too wise to think differently. Only time will tell...
Posted on: Tue, 02 Sep 2014 08:02:15 +0000
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