I woke up about 4am or so and havent been able to go back to sleep. I visited the website for the South African Consulate looking for info on the visa application process. I had a few questions the site didnt answer and stumbling through a Google search led me to the blog of a missionary in South Africa. Hes working with Childrens Cup in Nelspruit, South Africa and has been there about six months. Last year he attended the Healing Place School of Ministry in my home town of Baton Rouge and hes worked with friends of friends in Swaziland. Makes me feel connected to him in kind of a weird way. Reading his posts about missionary life and arriving in and assimilating to a new culture is making me emotional. I want so much to be doing what Gods called us to do. But Ive felt stuck. We, Chris and I, have felt stuck. Weve gone through so many attacks since receivng our call to South Africa in March. Each one intended to get us off course, make us feel discouraged. Make us quit. Friends who are interested and caring and praying for us often ask how our plans are going. I havent had much of a response... we havent made much progress. I dont want to be stuck any more. I want to chase after what Gods called us to do. And right now hes called us to raise support and take care of details and logistics with the money thats necessary to do it. All of which I plan to do each and every morning when I wake up. But before I know it its 4:00 and the days raced by without being able to collect a single thought. My tiny house is full daily with 4-7 children, two of whom are 2 and 4 and require far more attention than I ever give myself credit for. Im always feeling guilty for not doing more, not being able to be more productive. I forget all the time how challenging life was when Gray and Jack were that age. I think to myself that Ive been a parent for 12 years now... I should be better at it. I have no idea how were going to get everything done that needs to be done. How were going to meet with all the friends we need to meet with and ask for their partnership, their support and their money. Its going to take a lot of money to send a family of six to another continent and its going to take even more on a monthly basis to sustain us. But God is faithful. He is ALWAYS faithful. And Hell see us through. Even when Ive been so discouraged because Ive been so stuck and I hate the way it feels, Ive had very few moments where Ive really questioned if Hes going to get us there. He called us. Hell equip us. Hell get us unstuck. Theres nothing I want more than to live my life fully for Him, doing everything Hes called me to do and see my children fall more in love with Him each day...
Posted on: Sun, 03 Aug 2014 10:25:10 +0000
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