I woke up this morning having messages from someone wishing me a snarky happy birthday and then rubbing in my face how she has moved on with out me in her life. Kinda an effed up way to wake up on a birthday that u never thought u would live to be so alone/old to see but whatevers...just another tuesday morning and i had a job interview to get to so yeah, i left the house pretty bitter feeling and burnt out on all the feelings of dissapointment and abandonment i have been feeling lately and i went to my interview, did my thing, went to the park and spent time with the ducks...they seem to always be there when im feeling most alone.i smoked a bowl and cried to stevie nicks and burned dragons blood incense and thought about my mom, and my fate, and coincidence and the egg, and i was approched by a street kid named Alice white rabbit, who is 31,, went to my high school and lived around anaheim now but also lived where i grew up at about the same time. She was feirce in her own way and definately an addict and basically had my parallel existance gone wrong. I was totally just thinking about the egg, to. So, we talked about punk rock and candy ravers and street kids and growing up in whittier, the looking glass and parallell universes and why i no longer want to go by Alice. We smoked a few bowls, she strummed an acoustic guitar, i waited for busses and drew a picture and listened to fleetwood mac. I went home and ate bagels covered in marmelade, my mom made me sunny D and vodka and i sat on the couch scrolling facebook, thinking about how little difference face book is making in my feeling this lonely on a regular ass day where i this year at least have my mom and my little actual family and one near by friend willing to eat some cake with me. Its kinda bittersweet i guess, that theres a lot of people i feel really close to in this world but few who i guess feel all that close to me. I guess i could learn to be a lot more self reliant. I think this may be a scarlets walk kind of year for me. And it will begin with the end of an era in my life, the era of my ranting on facebook. I will go back to nice, surreal abstract creatures in drawings and paintings, poetry that barely makes sense to anyone but me and tori amos, bonfires, earthy things and hard work. I cant say this thing im doing is helping further my life. I will almost definately have a live journal soon. I have created multiple ways of messaging outside of fb. If u want to keep in touch with me after this week, hmu now as very soon my facebook is going to dissappear. π time to get on with cake and vodka with my mom.....√
Posted on: Wed, 10 Dec 2014 02:03:52 +0000
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