I woke up this morning with this song in my spirit.As I played it on repeat about 8 times, I struggled with the thought that I was once this same broken woman she is singing about. I dont speak of my ex-husband much concerning our marriage because I never want to slander one to inspire another. Neither one of us was perfect we were young, trying to love one another the best we knew how. Yet we caused more destruction than building. I am moved to share a piece of my story with you, hoping that one that may be in this place right now, will gain the strength to take back your joy, peace, mind, self-esteem, hope and dreams because you will realize that you love YOU better than that. 19 years ago I had to make one of the hardest decisions at that time in my life...the choice to stay or to leave. The choice to fight for what I wanted to be love, or to let go of what I knew was self hate.Those in the church, tried to convince me to stay, they quoted many scriptures to me, but none was convincing enough for me to stay. After all they seen the picture that was presented, but they had no clue of the tears shed, the physical and mental abuse, the infidelity and the ongoing forgiving but not forgetting. Although back then I did not have the motivation of this song to speak to my heart, yet I had a mirror and every-time I stood before it, the person staring back at me became stranger and stranger to me. I was dead, yet alive without an identity. I became everything to everyone around me...that I forgot how to be me. The same man I grew to hate, was the very person I was becoming day by day. One day, I stood in the mirror and I said I dont like you...but I want to love you. I want to love you enough to allow you the opportunity to be you. I filed for my divorce and looking back was never an option in my mind. It took years for me to build back up my self-esteem, my dignity, my pride, and most of all self-love. I shed many tears, sat up praying many nights, asked many questions that never had answers. It wasnt easy seeing everybody else experience love and the benefits of having that one by your side, but I knew I didnt want to love anyone else, until I fully understood how to love me. I have hit some bumps in the road, Ive allowed those below my standards to enter my life, and found myself still in the same cycle. Which allowed me to know I still got more loving of me to do. The good thing is, it doesnt take me 8 years to identify this aint it, now maybe 30 days, 2 weeks, or a few hours. But no matter what I have learned, you can love with your whole heart, you can be good, you can love hard and endure but never allow yourself to love another more than you love you. When you do, you grant them the power over you, and the only one that should have power over you is Jesus Christ. Never approve an individual lying to you, cheating on you, degrading you, disrespecting you, mentally abusing you or physically abusing you, because once you allow it, it will continue until the day you walk out that door and the mental abuse will remain with you even longer. If they cant accept your goodness, and be good to you...than you need to keep it moving. Because Love does not kill, it heals, restores, renews and refreshes. So enjoy Loving you Each and Everyday of your life, because cant nobody on this earth...love you better than you. SRJ
Posted on: Tue, 30 Sep 2014 00:48:49 +0000
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