I wont take credit for this muse, it’s not my intent. My intent is to share these words with those who dont understand the complexities of people who struggle daily with severe chronic pain. Please feel free to share this with whom ever you feel needs its wisdom. Kathy A Letter to the Normals from a Person With Severe Chronic Pain Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about chronic pain and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed. In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand: These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me. Please understand that being sick doesnt mean Im not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably dont seem like much fun to be with, but Im still me, stuck inside this body. I still worry about things, my family, my friends, and most of the time; Id still like to hear you talk about yours, too. Please understand the difference between happy and healthy. When youve got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but Ive been sick for years. I cant be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if youre talking to me and I sound happy, it means Im happy, thats all. It doesnt mean that Im not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that Im getting better, or any of those things. Please dont say, Oh, youre sounding better! or But you look so healthy! I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, youre welcome. Please understand that being able to stand up for ten minutes doesnt necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour. Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesnt mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases youre either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain. Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, sitting, walking, thinking, concentrating, being sociable and so on, it applies to everything. Thats what chronic pain does to you. Please understand that chronic pain is variable. Its quite possible (for many, its common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day Ill have trouble getting to the next room. Please dont attack me when Im ill by saying, But you did it before! or Oh, come on, I know you can do this! If you want me to do something, then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are, to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do. Please understand that getting out and doing things does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You dont know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I need to exercise, or do some things to get my mind off of it, may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct. If I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, dont you know that I would? I am working with my doctors and I am doing what I am supposed to do. Another statement that hurts is, You just need to push yourself more, try harder. Obviously, chronic pain can deal with the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, this can be intense. You cant always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldnt you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?), but it is not created by depression. Please understand that if I say I have to sit down, lie down, stay in bed, or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it right now, it cant be put off or forgotten just because Im somewhere, or Im right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone. If you want to suggest a cure to me, please dont. Its not because I dont appreciate the thought, and its not because I dont want to get well. Lord knows that isnt true. In all likelihood, if youve heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not better. This can involve side effects or allergic reactions, as is the case with herbal remedies. It also includes failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If there were something that cured, or even helped people with my form of chronic pain, then wed know about it. There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW. Its definitely not for lack of trying. If, after reading this, you still feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and discuss it with my doctor. If I seem touchy, its probably because I am. Its not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating. Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general. In many ways I depend on you, people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out. Sometimes I need you help me with the shopping, the cooking or the cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to the normalcy of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able. I know that I asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for listening. It really does mean a lot. author unknown
Posted on: Mon, 29 Sep 2014 21:35:21 +0000
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