I would be lying if I said that I am doing well today. Not sure what the problem is. Is it because of the grayness due to the complete cloud cover overhead? Or could it be because of the surgery that seems to be rushing towards me? Could it possibly be the fact that I will be going through this surgery and Christmas alone? Is it possibly because even though I am happy that my current bills are taken care of that I will be traveling down to Houston without any available funds whatsoever? Maybe its a combination of all of those things. I have no idea. I am really needing to do a good cleaning of my apartment before I leave for my surgery... but I am so unmotivated and lethargic today. At the same time, I am experiencing more anxiety than I have in a very long time. Yes I know that I should not feel this way. Its not that my faith is weak. I dont believe that God has given up on me. I have been praying about this and rebuking the emotions I am feeling. Am I bad a person and Christian because I feel this way? I feel like such a failure. I know that I should be filled with peace and joy... no matter what... so why dont I? I know all the scriptures that most people will post about all of this. I am not actually afraid... Im not sure Im actually anything other than extremely numb. You dont have to say anything. You dont even have to say you will pray. This song words pretty much my thoughts at the moment...
Posted on: Sat, 20 Dec 2014 14:54:35 +0000
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