I would crawl over razor wire and land mines to avoid the clipboard people at Whole Foods. Id eat a sac of mushrooms and listen to a Gilbert Godfrey audiobook of Eat, Pray, Love if that was somehow an alternative. Who asks questions like do you have a second for the children and do you support gay rights. These are trickier queries than they seem. Obviously I have a second for the children, do I have $5 for children, technically no, I just spent $42 on some organic sesame roasted chicken over a bed of basil infused quinoa and i dont even know what that means. Of course I support gay rights, anyone who wants to get married and inevitably fall out of love with someone in a soul devastating manner should have the absolute right to do so, that doesnt effect me, but Im tight with my money, just disregard this honey smoked Chilean sea bass under my arm. When I see the clipboarders I plot my escape routes, i turn into Jason Bourne and start sizing up the obstacles. Ill smash through a god damn window before feeling guilty about the direction of my finances. Ill follow an elderly person out, when they seek the conversation with someone with a clipboard who looks like their grand daughter (who never calls) I make a move, dodge their teammate with a spin that recalls Tim Hardaway in the Golden Era Golden State Warriors team with Run TMC, and make my way unscathed to the van. I wonder if anyone has ever thrown down a flash grenade and jumped into the bushes. Lastly, petitioners, I respect your efforts, but Im not a resident of anywhere, so my signature cant help you.
Posted on: Fri, 03 Oct 2014 17:00:28 +0000
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