I would like to apologize for some of the words I have spoken and actions I have taken these past days. My sister would have been ashamed. I am not mad at God, I in fact need him more than ever. I believe now after some strange coincidences he works in mysterious ways. I am mostly upset at myself and I dont know if that will ever change. Its not a matter of one person being able to alter the path of another, it is moreso letting that person know you care no matter what. I apologize to my family members who have exhibited strength. Today I put together a playlist on my itunes for my sister and was expecting somber song one after another. But most songs just reminded me of how crazy she was and how free spirited she was. I have a rock in Jessica Lynn .... I only hope if she enters a time of hardship I can be half the person she is. I have friends that have done everything from drink with me, to make fun of me (not about this about other things which believe it or not helps, laughter is a cure), to share thier own experiences. I have family that has endured since the first child was born in 1980 and perhaps even earlier. I have grandparents whos unshakable faith have risen them above a laundry list of blows dealt by life. I told my son yesterday, he bowed his head and gave me a hug. Selfless.......that is a characteristic both my mom and sister shared. Thank god, and I mean thank god my son found it. I have people that dont know me other than Real Deal who have sent prayers, encouraging words, and have shared their own trials and tribulations. Dont think just because you watch my battles that these words dont hold the weight, you are wrong. You know me now as I have come closer to you. If I was small again and something like this were to happen my sister would be there to pick me up and hug me. There is no love like an older sisters. Remember that...... Amber I believe the lord has opened his gates and your playing spaids with mom. I imagine all the countless oversized great danes mom made dad get over the years running around in the countless space that is heaven. Lillith and Nathan will be fine....better than fine.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 17:09:22 +0000
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