I would like to come clean to all my brothers and sisters in Christ here on Facebook about an ongoing sin against God in my life. I have always struggled with the need to feel special and look important in the eyes of people. I have struggled with this since I was a child. I see so many people here on Facebook and offline that is giving God glory. I see them talking about how they are advancing the kingdom of God. I see they helping people. Now this is something I I should be very happy about. This is something that should bring me great joy and yet I get jealous because because they are getting praised for their obedience to God. I absolutely hate it that jealousy enters into my heart and mind. I should be thrilled that my brothers and sisters in Christ are doing such a great job of doing what Jesus Christ our Lord said to do and yet I get jealous that it is not me that is doing those things. There are times that I write about things that I do and I write that so that I can be praised and so that people. I am wanting people to praise and glorify me instead of God. And you know what! That means I am not doing those things from a place of love. I am not doing those things out of unconditional love. That is just sick! Many times I am wanting people to see how much I love God more than others and so I can see that what I am doing is boasting in my works. I realize that what I am doing is making myself into an idol. When I do these selfish things I am taking Christ Jesus my Lord completely out of the equation and trying to put myself upon a pedestool. I am beginning to understand that I am wanting God to love me more than others. Jesus Christ our Lord said we must deny ourselves, pick up our crosses and follow Him daily. Well my actions prove that I am not doing that. I am wanting it to be all about me instead of making it all about Jesus Christ our Lord who died for our sins. These things is not what a disciple of Jesus Christ should ever do yet here I am giving in to the flesh instead of submitting to God and serving Him. Brothers and sisters in Christ please know I am so ashamed of all this. I am disgusted with myself. I dont deserve to be a disciple a disciple of Jesus Christ the King of kings and the Lord of lords. I dont deserve the love of God. I dont deserve the forgivness and mercy of God. I deserve only the judgment of God and His wrath. I am the chief of all sinners. Please know brothers and sisters in Christ that I hate that I am constantly rebelling against God because of these sins. Please know that I hate my sins against God and that I am so very ashamed of what I have been doing. Brothers and sisters in Christ please know I am so very sorry and I beg you to forgive me and to pray for me.
Posted on: Wed, 28 Aug 2013 09:11:39 +0000
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