I would like to communicate with you about Difficult Things. We have connected. I would like to love you if that is how it is. I would like to honor our connection with mutual openness. Or, I would like to lose you if that is how it is. I would not like to dishonor our connection with a lack of communication about the confusing things. I would not like to lose said connection: connection is a spark, it is rare, a cause for joy. I would not like to lose said spark because of my or your inability to communicate about my or your fear. I do not mind fear: I fear, you fear. I would like to honor our fear by tending to it, by giving it light and letting it relax. I have learned this: when I am gripped by confusion I do not shut down: rather, I talk it out. It is a clumsy, simple tactic that works every time: by giving voice to that which I do not understand or feel comfortable about, my confusion gains sanity instead of calcifying into fear of fear. If you are afraid, come here and I will hold you into me. Or go away, go for a walk and hold yourself sweetly. I would like to assure you: I will never resent your fear. Rather: I would like to admire you for acknowledging your hesitation and I trust there are good reasons for it that I can not yet know. And I would like to care if you will let me look beneath your folded wings. If I truly care for you I must care more about you than about my feelings for you. I don’t want my idea of you. That’s too easy, and it isn’t real. I want you, faults and all. And I want you to want me, faults and all, not any ideas you have about love.
Posted on: Tue, 10 Sep 2013 17:03:14 +0000
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