I would like to share with you, about the passing of my sweet husband, best friend and soul mate. We was together for seven wonderful and love filled marriage. We lived together three years, because when we started seeing each other and the subject of marriage would come up, he would say, I am NOT the marrying kind. Dont think about it, dont talk about it, dont hope about it, dont dream about it, it is NEVER happening. Well one day, I was taking him to the store, and he said, I have something to tell you. I was like Okay, whats on his mind. He said, I think its time we get married. I looked at him and asked, What did you just say? What kind of proposal do you call that? He said, The only one you are going to get. Do you want to marry me or not? Of course I did. So on June 22,2000 we got married and was married for four years. Then, he got sick. He had a hard time holding anything down, If he ate anything, if he drank anything, he would be in the bathroom throwing up or with the runs. I begged him to go to the doctor, but he would not go. In March, he was working at WalMart as maintenance, and the last night he worked, he threw up in front of a customer, so his boss told him to go home and to not come back until he went to the doctor found out what was going on and get better. Well, he would not go to the doctor. I kept watching him as he started rapidly dropping weight, and turning an ugly yellow color. Finally, on May 28th I believe, might have been the 25th, he woke me up around five or five thirty a.m. and said, Baby, Im so sorry for waking you up, but I am so sick and I cant stand it anymore, would you please take me to the ER? I jumped out of bed and got faster, I think than I ever had, because he had NEVER been to the ER not one time in the seven years we was together, so I knew that something was really bad wrong. I called my dad and he came and took us to the ER. By the time I left the ER my heart was broken in a million pieces. The doctor told us that his liver had totally failed and that he had at best 3 months to live. My husband begged me, Baby please, let me die at home. I dont want to die in a hospital. I told him I would do my best to honor his request. He did have to stay two nights before coming home though because he was severely dehydrated and had to have some IV fluids. The night he was in the hospital a nurse from the other end of the other hall, came to see him and talked to him. She asked him if he realized he was going to die soon if the Lord did not give him a miracle. He told her yes. She asked him if he knew where he would be spending eternity, and if he was saved. He said he did not know, and she prayed the sinners prayer with him and praise God, I know when he went home, he went home to heaven. When I went to see him in the hospital the doctor was waiting to talk to me and he told me the seriousness of his illness, and that without a miracle my husband would die and die soon. I told him I understood, but that we believed in a miracle working Lord and that the Lord could give him a miracle. He asked me to sign a DNR order not to resuscitate him should his heart stop. I didnt want to sign it, but his mom and niece was there with me and his mom said, I know you dont want to sign it, but there is no use keeping him alive when his liver is already gone So I signed it, but for a very long time I felt so guilty signing it. I felt like I had signed his death certificate. I was able to keep him home for two weeks.. But he I could see him going down more every day. The poison from his liver had went to his brain and he did and said things, that if his brain not been filled with poison he would have never said or done. He would get out of the house walk down the road and not be able to find his way home. He would get out in the yard and not want to come in, and when I would try to talk him into coming in he would tell me I dont want to go in. Dont touch me or I will kick your knee caps. That man would have never hit, kicked me or hurt me in any way. He would go in the kitchen and turn the stove on and stick his head in the oven. All I can say on that one, is thank God I found him before something bad happened. His mom came and stayed with him one night so I could go to church. I asked the church to pray for him. They was going to pray for a miracle, and I told them, Right now, I know he is right with God and will be going to heaven. If the Lord gives him his miracle, and he will go to church with me, pray with me, read the Bible, have a christian home, I wanted the Lord to heal him, but if the Lord gave him his miracle and he was going back to do the things he was doing I wanted the Lord to take him home while I knew he was ready to meet the Lord. The Lord decided to take him. I was giving him, under the doctors orders, tons of meds. He was getting Lactalose which was supposed to stop the spreading of the poison but it did not work. He got morphine long lasting pills twice a day.. He got morphine sulfate, which for those who do not know, is liquid morphine in double and triple doses every hour on the hour.. He got Haldol, Ativan and Thorazine. They did not phase him. One day when he was in his right mind and we was talking I was so upset, I was crying. He asked me what was wrong. I told him that without a miracle he would soon be leaving me. And that before he left, that I wanted to have just one more anniversary with him. He kept insisting, Baby, we will have one more anniversary, I promise you. I got even more upset, and said, How can you say that. You dont know that. You could die at any minute. He just insisted we was having one more anniversary. Well, the end of the second week I had him at home, seeing how much pain he was in and nothing we was doing for him or giving him was helping at all. I decided to put him in a hospice unit and to put him in a medically induced coma so that he would be not be in so much pain. The nurse told me, You need to understand that once this sedation is started, he will not be able to respond to you at all. He will not be able to move, to open his eyes to speak to you. Nothing. I told her I understood and that we had said what we needed to say and I wanted him made comfortable. So she started the sedation. That was on June 18th 2004. June 22nd was our anniversary and he was still in this sedated state. There was me, two nurses, his mom, sister, his sisters husband, two nieces, aunts, cousins and I think thats everyone. Well, I went over and sat beside him and I took his hand and I said, like I had good sense, Happy anniversary baby. I love you. So help me people, he opened his eyes looked straight into my eyes and said, Happy anniversary baby. I love you too. He puckered up his lips for me to kiss him and was right back out. His mom said, Did you just see that? I cant believe that!! I said, I can, he told me we was going to have one more anniversary and God just gave it to us. The next few days he laid calm, I stayed by his bedside the entire time he was in the hospice unit except for about 2 or 3 hours one day when I went to get my niece so she could come be with us. On June 24th, around noon time, he sat straight up in bed, and started screaming, Oh God some body help me, help me help me. I cant take any more. and was right back out. His sister and I told the nurse to increase his sedation and she told us that she couldnt because it could stop his heart. I told her that I wanted him comfortable and out of pain and reluctantly she gave it to him. Later on that evening I was sitting in the family visiting room giving his family some private time with him to tell him goodbye or whatever they needed to say to him. I started back in his room and the nurse stopped me, and said she needed to tell me something. She said that every one had told him that it was okay for him to let go and to be at peace but he refused to let go. She told me he was waiting to hear it from me, that I Needed to tell him it was okay for him to let go. I got very upset and told her, Are you crazy? I am not going in there and tell him its okay for him to go? She said, Do you want him to keep suffering? He is suffering and I cannot increase the sedation anymore. I knew I had to go do it but my heart was crushed.. He loved the CD by Bill Gaither, especially to songs, To God be the glory and Walking down the kings highway we played that CD over and over.. I went around to his bed, sat down took his hand in one hand and was rubbing it with the other. When I started talking to him, Walking down the highway came on. I told him, Sweetheart, I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart and I always will. I do not want you to die, but I do not want you to suffer anymore. I promise you, I will be okay, and your family will be okay and we will stay in contact. Sweetheart, I want you to take your hand out of mine, reach up and take Gods hand and go toward the light. Be at peace my love. He gasped one time, and was gone. EXACTLY at the point I said, Be at peace my love that song ended, and he took his last breath. It was like it was synced together I said peace, the song ends, he took his last breath at exactly the same second. I had written a song to sing at his funeral but I knew I would not be able to do it. With everyone still around his bed, I told him, Sweetheart, I know you can still hear me, I wanted to do this at your funeral, but I just cant do it, so Im going to sing it to you now so you can hear it. I sang this song.. I wrote in 2003. Its called Homecoming day and says, (1) I dreamed I heard the Lord say to me, come my child and Ill set you free. Free from the world that troubles you, but you have fought and your battle has been won. (Chorus) Its homecoming day, its homecoming day and its time for all your tears to be washed away. No more heartache, no more troubles, no more pain or strife for you are crossing over to eternal life. (2) Dont worry about those that you leave behind for they are in my hands and they will be fine. You will meet them all again one day when it is their homecoming time. (Chorus) Its homecoming day, its homecoming day its time for all your tears to be washed away. No more heartache no more troubles no more pain or strife for you have just crossed over to eternal life. ... I am so sorry this is so long, but I just couldnt leave any of it out. I still miss my husband, and will always miss him, Just today I was hugging the pair of pajama pants he died in next to my heart and its like I could feel him right here with me. Terrell TC Crenshaw was my true love, my best friend, my soul mate, and I thank God for the years he allowed us to have together. I thank God for the love TC and I shared. He was an awesome husband, and I miss him horribly, but I made him a promise him then and im making the same promise right now. I will meet you at the crossing of Jordans shore my love and we will always be together forever with our blessed Lord and Savior And I will.. Thank you for reading this, and again, I apologize at the length of this. God bless you all always.
Posted on: Fri, 16 Jan 2015 07:06:00 +0000
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