I would like to tell you that once you adopt that everything will be perfect but of course if you breathe air you know Id be lying. Adopted kids who were not adopted as infants come with their ore-conceived notions about what their adoptive parents ought to be like. If one doesnt measure up to the standard the adopted child holds on to you might find yourself dealing with a pint sized bully! For whatever reason my middle daughter has always taken issue with me being over weight. While Im not morbidly obese I really could stand to loose a few pounds. Im also 42 yrs old and my health isnt the best. The other day my daughter was in a snit all day about what I do not recall. All I know is that she was complaining about everything and she was demanding the impossible. A sister to be exact. While explaining to her that it took 20 years to get her so were done and she needs to get used to it, her anger, frustration, and resentment of me not compiling to her vision of how life should be boiled over. In shot order she called my old, fat, and stupid. I wont lie or try to paint myself to be a saint. I didnt take her assessment of me very well! She and I had a meeting of the minds! Then I realized I was going to lose me cool if I didnt shut it down so I out her to bed. That night I began reading a book called youre not my mom the book was co-authored by a step-mom and daughter who had been at odds for years while the girl was growing up. It wasnt until she was old enough to communicate that her step-mother learned about all the unrealistic expectations her step-daughter had unwittingly placed on her which was the chief cause of their rift. (They patched it up and wrote the book of course.) anyhow, as I was reading the book it dawned on me that my daughter is like most girls she tends to always have a hidden agenda behind the things she says and does or requests she makes. That night I didnt sleep a wink! I was up the whole night trying to figure her out. Finally, around 4:30 am, I called her to my room. Instead of asking her questions as I normally do when my kids are in trouble, I decided to lay out some ground rules. I told her that fantasizing about a dream mom was unfair and forbidden. At the same time I asked her if she would like me to fantasize an bout a dream daughter she could never live up to. After thinking it over she decided we needed to stick with reality. Then I agreed with her that I need to lose weight but instructed her on how to present her concerns with out being so offensive. She agreed. The we address my age and academics. She had no idea how highly decorated I was while in college. She knows now! Then we discussed the real issue. After all of the that she broke into tears and hugged me. She asked my forgiveness and then told me that the recent surgery had scared her into thinking she might lose me. She told me about how my inability to walk or talk very well was upsetting her and she let me know that the change in her behavior was a result of her fears that she might lose me. I accepted that and we worked it out. Im happy to say she now hug me good night (she had stopped) and tonight she stayed in the kitchen while I fixed dinner. I think she just needed some reassurance that Im okay and going to be around, Im so glad I read that book so that I could get enough of a grip to calm down and figure out the real problem. Since that night she and I have bonded more than ever. Its so nice to have a daughter, but sometimes you have to work for it.
Posted on: Sat, 09 Nov 2013 08:23:20 +0000