I would like to thank all of my friends and family who have and still are supporting me through what has been and still is one of the worst times of my life. I would not be able to get through if it wasnt for all of you giving me the support you have. Steve would be so grateful to all of you especially because of the way I have been treated by the very people he thought would never turn there back on me or treat me how they have. Gemma Garside and Darren Garside thankyou for not getting involved in all the written attacks and false allegations made against me on here, thanks also for being the only ones from the family that have actually asked how I am. Your dad always was and still is proud of you both for the way you have handled yourselves through the worst time of your lives too. Losing your dad the way you did is such a hard thing to have to deal with. As for me losing my one true love who I thought I had the honour of sharing the rest of my life with. I dont know if I will ever be able to come to terms with the fact he felt he couldnt carry on in this world as he told me almost everyday how happy he was with me and that he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I just didnt realise his life was going to be cut short in the way it was. I stiil have a long way to go before I can say I am dealing with finding him that night and all the tension of trying to resuscitate him and hearing those words. We are so sorry we tried our best but were unable to revive him Then seeing all the police and forensic team in their white suits with cameras. The police questions being thrown at me and me trying to understand what had just happened and why. It was just as if I was in a nightmare and I am still really confused now and always will be I think. I dont ever see any closure on losing him as I was not given the chance to mourn for him properly because of all the disgusting comments, messages and written attacks against me trying to blame me for what happened and demeaning mine and Steves relationship. We had something special and you only had to see us together to see that but the people attacking our relationship hardly ever saw us and having to deal with being called a grave robber for having to remove the television and computers for fear of them being damaged and collect some of my clothes as I could not live there anymore due to Sue still being on the lease.. Then to be told I had emptied the house and I had stollen all of Steves possessions was bad enough but then the final straw I was told i could not go snd see him in the chapel of rest so I could say goodye privately and if I had to go to the funeral then I was to sit at the back of the room and not talk to anyone because his funeral was just about family. So I made the hardest and most selfless decision to stay away from the funeral so his kids and grandchildren could say goodbye to their dad in a peaceful manor. If I had gone there would have been a very hostile tension and bad atmosphere on his send off and I didnt want that for Steve, his kids or his grandchildren. Guess what apparently that was wrong as well as the written attacks were about how I had disrespected and didnt love him or care for him because if I did I would have been there at his funeral. They stole every chance of me being able to pay my respects and start to get closure on losing him. I will never forget how cruel those people were to me and if my darling Steve knew what was going on he would have been disgusted with it all but all of you my friends and family have been there for me and I have even had some police officers who knew the family coming to see if I was ok and giving me there support. I would like to give Tina Taylor a very special thankyou for everything you have done. You were there that night and you have supported me all the way through all of this. Thankyou for telling Steve I loved him and I miss him so much at his funeral and apologizing for me not being there. Thanks to you I know what was said and what songs were played for my Mr on that day. Sorry this has been a bit of an epic essay but I thought it was time I told my side of the whole tragic loss of my gorgeous man. I now know that all of you that have and still are there for me are the people that matter and all of the people that I thought mattered and did my best to support all of the way through this even though they were being so cruel dont matter to me at all. Thank you so much again friends and family. I love each and everyone of you for everything you have done for me. Kizzy is missing her daddy so much and is pining for him but gradually she is starting to eat a bit more and with all the love and attention and comforting she is getting she is slowly getting back to her old self but just a bit thinner. Thankyou again for everything. XXXX
Posted on: Sun, 24 Nov 2013 12:57:31 +0000
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