I wrote this in a reply to Casey, but Im gonna post it here because I need to say it to myself more than he needs it said to him: I write (sometimes). And I write a lot of stuff that, usually, only one or two people read. My best friends, Anna and Levi. Erin doesnt even read a lot of my stuff, not because I dont want her to or because she wouldnt be supportive, but because I tend to write in such a way thats really sortve tailored towards Anne and Levi. Sometimes the stuff leaks out to a larger audience. Sometimes Levi draws it and puts it into the world in a far superior way I could ever accomplish on my own. The feedback from those guys is usually my driving force. Not because theyre my biggest (and often only) fans, but because Im their biggest fan, and their opinions mean the most to me. Ive also tailored some stuff for my mom (Julia) for the same reason. Also because I owe her, as a lot of my way of thinking and sense of humor is due to her anyway. Point being, I often find I write for these people, and then I share with them, and then I get the praise Im looking for and Im sortve done. I dont stretch. I dont continue. I just sortve exist in the contentedness of did my job, got my cookie. Making something for other people can be incredibly satisfying. TOO satisfying in some ways. And it can hold you back. Now, Ive never written anything thats not gotten at least some sort of good job from my support group, and I dont know that I would. But if its possible that I dont stretch myself or write things that would make me uncomfortable because it might also make them uncomfortable. I also stop on things because, once already getting what I want, why try harder? Why try to put myself out there where I could face rejection from people who dont already love me or even like me? I thought of something the other day: Anyone who thinks theyre their own worst critic has never put something on YouTube with the Comments turned on. That means, if you dont let people see you for what you do, who you really are, then youre not really criticized. Youre in a bubble. And you may think, yeah, I suck. But no one telling you how you suck or why you suck, and, likewise, why you might also be good or why you have the potential to one day be better, you just stay the same. You stagnate and live protected, but without growth. And thats fine if you really only ever want to please those 2-4 people. But maybe you only think thats enough because youre so scared as to let anyone else see what you do. Some people will tear you down because they just love to tear people down. And some will love you because they love you. And some will like your work without knowing you, while others will be critical but fair. And all of that will still add up to you determining for yourself what you are and you arent and what your work really amounts to and how happy you are with it. Because, ultimately, you can only be satisfied by how you see you and what you do.
Posted on: Fri, 09 Jan 2015 19:25:42 +0000
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