INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPUNTIANAK (part II) A short sketch from my forthcoming play. As with all great works of theatre and literature, there may be some satirical intent hovering in the white wings like a blackbird with blue blood. Satyrs, please bring your own satay and sate yourselves … no holy water is provided on account of recent local events. All caricatures appearing in this work are factitious. Any vraisemblance to Real Madrid, walking or dead, is poorly Quincy-dental. ___________________________________________________________ DAMN IT IS PERSONAL LESTARI ~ vain vampuntianak, unborn, undead, undying HARRY REPORTER ~ intrepid (and insipid) reporter JONAH COMPLEX ~ a squawking book which also doubles as … CHARON CROW ~ a blackbird from The Beatles’ White Album ___________________________________________________________ [bare stage, minimalist props, to minimize costs while maximizing prophets] HARRY REPORTER: Socialising is important, but one needs isolation to discover the depths within and outside. As Nikola Tesla once said, “Anti-social behaviour is a trait of intelligence in a world full of conformists.” [smug tone of undeserved arrogance] [*SPOOF!!!* LESTARI the Vampuntianak appears deus ex machina, even as technicians scramble to operate the smoke machine] LESTARI: Only intelligent, anti-social people will get the joke ... the rest of them are too busy conforming and forming con artist connections to realize its sheer brilliance. [dignified tone of casual, second nature arrogance] HARRY REPORTER: Haha … and thats why intelligent people need to go down to earth as well. They have to set the example. [slight tension in the air] LESTARI: WRONG ... we geniuses do not owe the people on Middle-Earth anything. The example we set is not of an earthly nature; thats the example that YOU imagine should be set by us. Rather, the example that we are setting is of an arrogant, airy nature, the better to inspire you all to grow wings and fly. If we go down to earth, do you really believe that you will become a bird? No, youll become birdshit, because by law of gravity, when a bird shits, the shit keeps dropping down to earth, even as the bird soars away right up to the stratosphere. [crack of thunder and clap of lightning] Do I not speak the TRUTH? Do you want to become birdshit, or the shining bird? The choice is yours ... there is no right or wrong, only BIRDS. [a swarm of vicious BIRDS manifest into existence out of thin air, black with bitter bile, poised for the kill, Bill.] HARRY REPORTER: Heh play of BIRDS huh? Having fun with your puns yet? Haha. But will true improvement ever be achieved if only a select few achieve this “birdly” status that you speak of? The vast majority need to learn how to fly as well. That will only be achieved if the birds go down to Earth first, teach them, and then soar thereafter. Only then will our full potential be realised, if at all. [self-satisfied smirk] LESTARI: This is my way of coming down to Earth. [flicks a deadly tome called THE JONAH COMPLEX at Harry Reporter’s cocky face.] If you really want to grow wings, read THIS and tell me what you think. [even as THE JONAH COMPLEX flies through the hot air, it transmogrifies in mid-flight into a carrion crow with its 3rd eye blind, mocking the reporter’s semi-charmed kind of life, baby, baby … it is actually the CHARON CROW.] HARRY REPORTER: Haha … sir, I believe I have already grown my wings. THIS? [the CHARON CROW settles on his shoulder, *SPOOF!* becomes a book which falls on his lap. THE JONAH COMPLEX.] This is for humanity in general. [THE JONAH COMPLEX squawks at him] But I will read it and let you know. [slight tremor in his voice] When I see you next, I’ll make YOU an offer you can’t refuse (“prick!” barely inaudible under his breath). LESTARI: Good, GOOD ... let the bullshit flow through you. [a flight of bulls manifest directly above HARRY REPORTER and defecates gladly on him] Big as I am, I will never say anything to the effect that I cannot become even BIGGER. Yes, I do believe that youve grown some wings ... but why stop there? In a sense, my surface arrogance belies a deeper humility. Even as the Phoenix arises from the ashes, it constantly looks for the next funeral pyre to self-combust again, and again, and yet again, until there is no more Phoenix left aflame in Arizona. You know why? Because otherwise, it breeds complacency, and complacency leads to conformity and compliance. Until then, who are we to suggest that we have sprung full-grown from the highest peaks of Parnassus? Why, even at your age, I never made such grand claims! Only now, at my DOTAge, do I even dare to make arrogant pronouncements, and that as well because I know (and more importantly YOU know!) that I deserve it. [a host of Charon crows materialize in the airspace near Lestari, apparently intent on defending him from possible attack … or just plain mediocrity] Feel free to see me anytime ... your wings seem crippled, and in need of mending. Birds of a feather flock together, but always remember that by the law of gravity, that birdshit will always fall downwards, never upwards. [as if to mock natural laws of gravity, Lestari wand-waves his lithe-lithium fingers, and all manner of shit, of bird or bull provenance, begin to float upwards, baptizing HARRY REPORTER afresh without need of holy water. SYABAS!] Exeunt all excommunicated. https://youtube/watch?v=hplpQt424Ls
Posted on: Sat, 05 Apr 2014 14:17:05 +0000
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