ITS ALL A BIT MESSED UP I sit here…wonderingI sit here…worryingI sit here…confused No idea where I amNo idea who I amNo idea what I amConfused of my thoughts Confused of my actions Confused of my words It’s all … a bit messed up Can’t see from where I came Can’t see where I am Can’t see where to go Why is this me? Why do I not clearly see? Why do I not change? Too hard to understand Too hard to put to words Too hard to explain It’s all … a bit messed up Look at the past and regret Look at the future and wonder Look at the present and become confused Where did everything start? Where did things change? Where did I change? I had times of happiness I had times of hurt I had times of no forgiveness It’s all … a bit messed up I sat there with hate for myself I sat there with confusion of myself I sat there with hurt on others I wanted to change I wanted to be rid of everything I wanted to see the light I gave in to others I gave in to myself I gave in to everything It’s all … a bit messed up I see no light for change I see no place for space I see no words to explain People do not understand People see it to be stupid People see it a time to judge I feel ashamed of being me I feel ashamed of the things I do I feel ashamed of the things I sayIt’s all … a bit messed up Gone too long Gone from whereI understood Gone from where I saw different Confused of what is going on Confused of who I am Confused of what to do I find it hard to stay focussed I find it hard to meet expectations I find it hard not to compareIt’s all … a bit messed up The past has gone The past can’t change The past is a lesson for the future The present comes one day at a time The present – you should be grateful for it The present is all a mess The future can not be predicted The future is a light for change The future is a blur It’s all … a bit messed up I can’t say what I want I can’t do what I want I can’t explain what I feel I get annoyed when I can’t explain I get annoyed when I can’t understand I get annoyed when I feel a want to let go I need to releaseI need to confront things I need to control thing It’s all … a bit messed up Life is a world of chaos Life is not meant to be understood Life is precious I have a challenge to overcome I have to use my sources I have to deal with it Things seem to get too hard Things seem to go everywhere Things seem to have no direction It’s all … a bit messed up There is always friends There is always family There is always people No-one can help me No-one understands completely.No-one has the answers Others believe they can help Others believe I should seek answers Others believe I can change It’s all … a bit messed up Expectations from myself Expectations from others Expectations shouldn’t be here I have to do well I have to prove myself I have to fulfil expectations No longer aware of others No longer aware of concern No longer able to communicate It’s all … a bit messed up Can’t feel confident calling friends Can’t feel confident being extroverted Can’t feel confident proposing ideas Enjoy the music Enjoy the laughter Enjoy the outgoing happiness Want to be on my own Want to be with people Want to just fly away It’s all … a bit messed up Imagine flying away Imagine the sense of being free Imagine the gracefulness Go to a place of silence Go to a place of no worries Go to a place of nothing Nothing seems to last Nothing seems to stay happy Nothing seems to succeed It’s all … a bit messed up School is a place of stress School is a place of interaction School is a place of bad feelings No sense of independence No sense of control No sense of organisation It is a challenge to overcome. It is a time to succeed It is a time to bomb out It’s all … a bit messed up Stress from friends and parents Stress from understanding oneself Stress from not succeeding Things no longer fit Things no longer go right Things no longer happen with peace Can’t say the right things Can’t do the right things Can’t be the right person It’s all … a bit messed up Feel a need to release Feel a need to cry Feel a need to run and hide Have to see the positives Have to see the lessons I learned Have to see the challenge Need to be patient Need to understand Need to show change It’s all … a bit messed up Sometimes I hate being me Sometimes I see no point Sometimes I just can’t handle things That is when I fall That is when I crash That is when I don’t talk Others don’t understand my fears Others don’t see my self-consciousness Others don’t see I’m scared It’s all … a bit messed up I’m scared they will tell my parents I’m scared they will judge I’m scared they won’t handle itI fear confronting I fear saying too muchI fear not saying anything Do I make a big deal? Do I involve others when there is no need? Do I make everything bigger than it should be? It’s all … a bit messed up I know I need to change I know I can’t do it on my own I know it won’t be easy I see no solutionI see no changes I see no-one to help I don’t know what I am confused about I don’t know what I feelI don’t know what is bothering me It’s all … a bit messed up There are positives There are good things in my life There is good in everything People have to see I don’t understand People have to see I don’t see light People have to see I see no different To change I need confidence To change I need friends To change I need to be me It’s all … a bit messed up I no longer know what I am thinking I no longer know what I am writing I no longer know how I feel One moment I feel good One moment I feel I am in a mess One moment I don’t know what I feel I can’t change the way I look I can’t change the silly things I say I can’t change the complete me It’s all … a bit messed up I realize it is definitely time for change I realise I have to put in effort I realise to change I need to search It is now time to stop writing It is now time to say I can’t write poems It is now time to just reflect…Things are confusing Things are worrying Things are there to learn a lesson from But all in all, It’s all … a bit messed up
Posted on: Tue, 03 Dec 2013 20:09:04 +0000