IT’S REALLY ABOUT WHO? By Muyiwa Afolabi I believe all mankind was made and fashioned with the tendency to be loving, kind and considerate. Its not innate for us to be mean, insensitive, destructive and harmful to one another. We are communal in nature, thats why despite all these years of man on man destruction, evil and crime, the disintegration of communities, states and nations is something we all fight against. Staying together and working out our differences is what we are all committed to. The need to sustain an organized society, living together, supporting one another, protecting one another and cooperating to advance our world and living standards is what the majority subscribes to. We love family; parents, siblings and relatives by blood mean so much to us. We hate loneliness and rejection, we can sacrifice anything just to be accepted and loved and embraced by our society; that is why exile and isolation in incarceration is a severe kind of punishment for offenders and non-conformers. It is against our nature not to relate with people freely. In fact constitutions have ingrained in it the freedom to associate. It is that important it is even backed up by law. No man is an island, we naturally need one another to survive, succeed and be fulfilled in life. No one can make it alone, no one can succeed alone. In fact, our social framework is such that your requirement and materials for success is most of the time within the custody of other people – not you. Your success most of the time depends on how you relate with others such that they are willing to offer the support, assistance and substance required for your success. Many times we attribute our challenges, frustration, stagnation and failure to others not us. We blame individuals, relatives, institutions, the polity and even nature for our non- achievement. What we keep seeing are the requirements we need for success in their custody and their reluctance to release to us all we need. We see that uncle that wouldnt offer the money, connection, employment or contract. We see the employer that wouldnt increase our salaries and enhance or work conditions. We see the government that wouldnt let us have our way just as we like it. We want everyone to favour us, support us and do things just as we like it even if not as it should be done. We want everything to work exactly as we like it. After many years Ive come to realize many Nigerians are not interested in better leadership or governance, most Nigerians are interested in that leader or government that will favour them personally; not necessarily improve the lot of everyone. Too many people are wasting time; hoping and expecting a sudden positive change in their situation and disposition; hoping for a miracle or sudden intervention. They just hope one day –‘e go better’ Incidentally, life isnt something you allow dictate to you how you should live, what you should get and what you can enjoy. A good life is the one you have charge and control over. You determine what you want, when you want it and strategize on how to get it. Many of us dream and hope and expect things to happen, we do not know how to make these things happen for us. We see things happening all around us daily, we see people entering the dimensions of career and material success we only but dream of. They buy the cars you only dream about, buy the houses you only dream about, get the jobs you only dream about, travel to places you only dream about, make the money you only dream about and live the life you only dream about. These people also live and function within the constraints of your socioeconomic environment. They are not corrupt and are not criminals. They work and earn legitimately and make very good money within that same environment where the majority believes nothing is working. How are these people able to get the favour, support, assistance, and backing they need to be able to enjoy and live the lives they want and you are not? How are they able to secure the help, connection, assistance, recommendation and guarantees needed for their mission, vision and ambition? What are they doing different from everyone else? They know all the right people, have very good relationships and can easily obtain favour from others. What do you do to enjoy the same level of access, support, help and assistance successful people are enjoying without selling your soul, worshiping men or subjugating your personal pride and self-esteem? Hmmm. Dear friend may I let you know this morning that hardly anything is free in this life? Almost everything is earned either by right, by work, service and most importantly by attitude. Many times even your entitlement by right through work or service may be denied you if you do not have the right attitude to receive. You see there is an attitude that makes it easy for people to give to you; support you and help you. There is an attitude that creates a magnetic field in your life attracting all the people, resources and help you need to succeed in life. Its not just about being a good person or being generous; many good people hardly find help when they need one, even if theyve helped so many people. And if you observe, people envy generous people; at times the generosity is interpreted as show off. People hardly repay good and generous people in kindness; in fact people get excited and treat the calamity of kind and generous people as juicy gist. hmmmm You see, human beings are naturally self-centered. To question or wonder why we are that way does not change the fact we are like that. By default people think of themselves first. Let me tell you a secret this morning. People hardly help people theyre not gaining anything from. Men are not givers by nature, they are investors. They invest in people whom they believe are useful to them or would be useful to them in future. They invest in situations they believe they can gain from. It is the nature of man; that is why religion advocates something considered nobler or pious; religion says give to people who cant repay you; its because naturally human beings do not like to give to people who cant repay them. Unfortunately many people speak religion but dont practice religion thats why you may still not find help even though religion says others should help you. Even the custodians of religious institutions; heads and leaders of religious organizations hardly help their members and followers when in need. Many members of religious bodies hardly go to their leaders when in need because they know they wont really find help, all they will face is committees and leaders asking many questions and subsequently gossip about their problems amongst other members. Obtaining help from anyone or anywhere they feel youre not valuable or important to them enough is quite difficult. So what is the attitude that makes it easy for people to assist or help you? What is the answer? The answer is very simple, to find help and favour from people, you cant be like people. How do I mean? If you want help and favour from others you cant be self-centered like others. Selflessness is the magnetic field for favour and back to back help and support from other people. In all you do, be more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than feeling good about you. Let them be happy because of whom youve made them realize they are not who you make them think you are. In relating, make other people feel really good by showing them who they really are; not showing off who you are. When you talk about yourself, and always have the spotlight on yourself for good reasons or for need reasons, people disconnect from you. They disconnect because they see you as either a burden or as competition. Incidentally people dont like burdens and dont help competitors. For example when you speak; speak to encourage, motivate, heal, inspire and comfort not to hurt, criticize or condemn. When you dress well, never show off, expect compliments or oppress others, no matter how better you look, compliment other people first; compliment their hair, nails, make up, tie, shoes, skin, belt or wrist watch. The day you dress really well is the day you should complement others the most. When you give; never wait till youre asked; when you see the need, fill it and dont go telling others how you helped that person, make it a secret between you both. When you know something, teach others; dont be insecure, and dont go about telling everyone youre the one teaching everybody. Let every good thing you do and say be about others first; not you. When you develop this attitude, youve created the magnetic field for favour in your life. People will love you and wont understand why and before you ask for anything they will give it to you without reservation. Thats the attitude that attracts favour from everyone including strangers. Dear friend, when you do things; its really about whom? If its always about you, youre on your own, when its about others then you have everyone on your side. Dont be selfish, be selfless. Its classy, its rewarding. Please enjoy your day.
Posted on: Wed, 05 Nov 2014 08:46:15 +0000
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