Id like to remain anonymous, but lately I have gotten so complacent in my recovery, I have horrible anxiety all the time and its even worse when I go to meetings. I dont know what it is. My sponsor mentioned its probably some self-centered fear and I could see that. Except its even there when I am alone. I dont really know if my head is right anymore. I think Im one of those people who never really come back from using. Im constantly paranoid and afraid. My addict mind keeps trying to prescribe me things that would take it away, but I know it wouldnt work. Im even scared to call my sponsor. I really want to get back in the swing of things. Ive prayed and prayed and everytime I go to get back in, I chicken out. Im also horribly scared that due to the fact of my complacency people at my home group think Im using again, awhile ago I was asked if I was high and it really bothered me. I am 5 months clean and I havent relapsed. I guess Im just asking for help. I dont know how long I can hang in there.
Posted on: Sun, 20 Apr 2014 21:45:00 +0000
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