Id like to take a moment here to say: Its OK to hate yourself. It probably makes you a better person. Weve been talking about happiness and self-esteem for so many decades now that its woven into the fabric of our culture. We just kind of assume that everyone ought to feel good about themselves, be encouraged, try to be happy all the time. We want everyone to be beautiful, even though we know they arent. We want to encourage a potato farmer whos never left rural Idaho to call in with his opinions on economics and international trade policy, that he has no way of ever understanding. And its dumb. Its a bar that no-one can reach. Im not saying *loathe* yourself. If you just spend all day talking about how terrible you are, its really just another side of deep self-involvement. Youre probably not important enough to merit loathing or dramatic self-hatred. You just cant do that much damage to the world as one person. Unless youre Hitler. But then, Hitler loved himself, thought he was a genius. Im just advocating a nice, typical level of self hatred. Maybe instead of reading blogs about how youre beautiful, go to the gym, or do bold things that scare you, which will also make you more confident. Or just resign yourself to dislike how you look, but be a really good chef, or dad, or writer, or whatever. But bottom line: Spend your energy doing things that make you value yourself. I keep practicing drawing and sculpture and writing, keep looking for bigger and bigger jobs, keep fighting to maintain my weight, and stretch myself socially, because, on some level, I dont feel like Im very good at any of those things. I feel inadequate, because I can see its possible to be better, and Im not. And I hope thats always the case. I hope I always feel somewhat terrible about everything I do. See, when you hate yourself just the right amount, you feel inadequate to do and get the things you want, so you have a drive to work harder, get better, improve yourself. And the improving yourself and doing scary stuff is really the part that changes your life and makes you happier. But theres no happy, no content, no goal- you just try to keep moving forward. How you feel about yourself during that process is important, I guess. Just not very.
Posted on: Mon, 26 Jan 2015 02:32:23 +0000
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