Idk what is going on with me. I never nap during the day but havent been sleeping well for ever and getting ready for the show with everything thats going on Im exausted. Had a dream about my mom. When I woke up I was very emotional and memories started to flow from her first Dr. Appt I,took her to when we found out she had throat cancer. Sitting there with her when we got the news telling her Drs are practicing medicine we got this and praying with her righ then and there. Having to tell my baby sisters and brother the news. Then all the dr apps that followed watching and caring for her through chemo and radiation. Beating the tumor, , then she is,hospitalised,for severe pneumonia. The weeks,of being at the hospital helping care for her and my siblings and I doing what we each were able to do. Helping the,nurses bath her and such. Rubbing lotion on her while she laid there motionless. Exercising her muscles and massaging her like the medical staff showed me. Having to sign the paper work for a Treak then a feeding tube. Finally she is awake and seems better so they move her to a facility at St. Joes to recover and my brother and I taking turns staying with her. Cindy coming down when she could all of us trying to what we could. She said to ke the day I,first took her to the hospital she was afraid and didnt want to be alone, and she wasnt EVER alone. It was only months but felt like years and she finally came home. She looked great but had work to do to walk again and she never ate much before she had the feeding tube,so getting her to eat was, well lets say difficult. A nurse came 3 times a week, physical therapest twice a week but after 3 days she started to get worse again. I couldnt,get a reading on the blood pressure machine so we called 911 and back to the hospital Ray and I went. It was even,worse than the first time and the next day, 9 days after she was released from the hospital after having kicked throat cancers ass and a case of pneumonia that put her in a coma as Ray and I sat in the hospital waiting room while they put in a line to do dialisis God came. for my mommy to take her home. Ray and I were in,shock. He left to get my sister Cindy over to the house I called my brother in law Dean to go home for Shelle and comensed making funneral plans for my second parent. Life in my own little world had become a living hell and now my mommy died. I dont know how a person recovers from these things. The pain doesnt lesson over time, not from the loss of my Daddyz (sudden,and,fast) not from the loss of my mommy (drawn out over months thinking we won). Im so sad..😭
Posted on: Fri, 12 Dec 2014 20:02:57 +0000
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