Idle time. Browsing Reddits Ask Reddit. Answering todays popular questions... WHAT IS THE WORST EXPERIENCE YOUVE HAD ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT? Top Five: 5) Sitting on a bus, looking down and realize theres a complete, raw chicken breast on the floor by my feet. I was having a really bad day and, at that moment, Ill admit I thought about getting on my knees and licking it in an act of suicide by raw poultry. 4) On a bus ride downtown in May, at the front of the bus sat a crazy man with missing teeth, screaming and whistling the entire ride. At the rear of the bus sat a 300 lbs. crazy man who kept asking women, Excuse me, can I have your phone number? then yelling, April Fools! and laughing hysterically. I was almost sure the earth was about to open up beneath us and the bus was going to drive merrily into the burning inferno of Hell. 3) The entitled, white, cranky Baby Boomer who stopped the EL because he didnt appreciate a homeless witch doctors soulful singing, made the conductor remove the crazy old man, causing a 10 minute delay, only to get off at the very next stop. I spent the remaining ride silently wishing him erectile dysfunction and undiagnosed pancreatic cancer. 2) That guy on the Red Line who proved the only thing different between a masturbating monkey at the zoo and man is less hair and a smaller banana. 1) Any bus or train ride with post-game Cubs fans. WHAT OVERLOOKED FACT FROM A MOVIE WILL COMPLETELY CHANGE THE WAY I SEE IT? Considering that the enormous lights used to film it in Technicolor and caused the temperature of the set to exceed 100 degrees, the fact that the costumes were often made of thick, heavy fur, the make-up nearly killed one actor and another was almost burned alive, MGMs The Wizard Of Oz had to have been one of the most miserable film shoots in history. WHATS THE WEIRDEST SOCIAL NORM THAT NOBODY SEEMS TO QUESTION? People holding their smartphones while asking a question or directions to someone else holding a smartphone. They will spend an entire conversation trying to either guess or approximate the answer and no one just says, Hey, why not use that thing in your hand that can access virtually all knowledge on the planet? WHAT IS WORTH DYING FOR? My kids (if I had them), or someone elses kids (if theyre not little jerkwads). WHAT IS SOMETHING FROM THE 1900s YOU WISH TO BE IN MODERN SOCIETY? The Thylacine. WHAT IS A COMMON MISCONCEPTION OF YOUR JOB? Waiting Tables: That a chimpanzee could do it. Yes, a chimpanzee could probably do most of it, but when it comes to dealing with the screaming kids, the quarreling couples, the Gluten-Free hysteria, being treated by someone as their temporary slave, getting short-changed by Canadians and stiffed by the French, I can still fake a pleasant smile--the chimpanzee would just bite someones face off. Freelance Animator: That a computer magically spits out a short in a few days. It still takes drawings. Lots and lots and lots of drawings. WHAT WOULD YOU WISH ON YOUR WORST ENEMY? That they get everything they ever wanted, followed directly by everything they deserve. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOUVE EXPERIENCED IN YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WOULD RECOMMEND EVERYONE TO PUT ON THEIR BUCKET LIST? Volunteering to work in poverty-stricken, inner-city neighborhoods. Or, if possible, being booed by an audience of over a thousand people--it really changes your perspective on things in pleasant ways youd never expect. IF YOU WERE PAID $200,000 A YEAR FOR LIFE NO MATTER WHAT JOB YOU DID, WHAT WOULD YOUR CHOICE OF JOB BE? Writing and cartooning. Or an ice cream man. WHAT IS ONE UNREALISTIC THING THAT HAPPENS IN MOVIES AND TV SHOWS THAT MAKES YOU IRRATIONALLY MAD. No matter if its a natural disaster, terrorist attack or alien invasion, the family dog must survive. There are simply not enough fictional dead pets in film and television these days. WHAT IS THE MOST IRONIC WAY TO DIE? Being an Eskimo trapped in a house-fire. WHAT IS THE MOST UNEXPLAINABLE THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU? Cripes, which one? Was it the ring of rotating lights over the field in the middle of the night when I was a kid? Was it the phantom footsteps in the old farmhouse when I was a teen? Or maybe the events of 2013 (soon to be a hilarious off-Broadway musical titled: How To Get Ceremoniously Married & Then Dumped For A Premature-Ejaculating Single Dad By A Hypergamy-Obsessed Materialist In Just 6 Weeks Without Even Trying). Hard to say. YOU BUY TWO ITEMS SIMULTANEOUSLY. YOUR GOAL IS TO MAKE THE CASHIER THINK YOU ARE THE WEIRDEST/CREEPIEST PERSON ON THE PLANET. WHAT DO YOU BUY? Cow tongue and pliers. WHATS A WEIRD TALENT THAT YOU HAVE? I can hack into virtually any security system in the world using a cow tongue and pliers.
Posted on: Tue, 27 May 2014 21:19:52 +0000
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