If God delivered a message to mankind, this is what I imagine he would say: Hi guys! You’ve probably heard of me. Some folks call me ‘HaShem’ and others ‘Jehovah’. But most people know me generically as ‘God’. Anyways, you’re certainly welcome to call me ‘Jerry’. That’s what my friend’s call me. But please call me whatever you’re comfortable with. Well, you’re probably wondering why I’m here today talking to ya’ll. And so casually too. Well, um, you’ve heard a lot of things about me. Some of those things are true and some of those things you’ve heard are not so true. Uh, well, like what, for example? That, for instance, I am an all-knowing, all-powerful supreme being. Oh, and, haha, that I can be everywhere at once. Like standing on this street corner in front of you while, at the same time, being in Heaven judging from my throne in all my wonderful glory and splendor. Does that sound right? Okay, while those descriptions about me are flattering, most often than not, ‘the legend becomes bigger than the man’. It’s true that I am not a man. But I am not a fairytale either. It’s certainly true that I created all of you, both men and women, like me. You know, ‘In His image and likeness he created them’. Come on, just look at my flesh -- well, look at it -- and ask yourself if I’m really that ‘big guy upstairs’ that knows everything and can do anything. So, if your answer to that question is ‘Wow, he does look like us’, you might then think, ‘I feel stupid. Why did I believe differently?’ Um, let me try to tackle that question briefly. Some people among you called ‘theologians’ -- eh, what a silly word -- or rather so-called scholars who setout to formally study me, as if I were some science project, well, they construct big words like ‘omnipotent’ or ‘omnipresent’ to describe abilities or superpowers that I somehow possess. Again, that’s flattering and all, but’s it’s not true. Does that shock you? You know, that it’s not true? It probably bothers you a bit. My friends tell me how some of you bicker amongst each other -- sometimes endlessly day and night -- about how you’re right and that the other guy is wrong (‘just plain wrong’). That ‘bickering’ doesn’t surprise me. Really, it’s been going on ever since I can remember. Like when the Children of Israel were in the wilderness. Goodness gracious, even when I gave them manna from Heaven, they bickered. But, of course, you gotta love them anyways. Am I right? All this probably bothers you, I know. But I’m here now to set the record straight. God forbid -- aren’t I a jokester -- I come down from Heaven to tell you how ‘wrong’ you are. I really didn’t. Rather, I just want to tell you about myself. I want you to know me so that we can be friends and not the strangers that we have become. So before I begin, let me remind you briefly of a story you might know. Remember Sodom and Gomorra? You know, from the Bible, when I was with Abraham telling him about how I was going to destroy those cities because of their apparent wickedness. Remember that? And then Abraham started negotiating with me (‘if there is X amount of righteous people, will you spare the city?’) Do you remember that? Well, anyways, that story can tell you a lot about me besides the fact that I sometimes consider destroying cities. Haha, okay, besides that, what does it tell you? Well, for starters, it tells you that I use to be good friends with people like you. Uh huh, that’s right, very good friends. And what a faithful friend Abraham was to me. We use to hang out, and just had the greatest friendship. That’s all I wanted from him. You know, to be good friends. Have you ever had a good friend? You know, someone you could confide in; someone who was really nice and didn’t curse you and treat you badly? I bet you have! Well, it was like that for me and Abraham. We were, I’d say, the best of friends--whereas, other people, quite the opposite, were not so nice to me. Actually, some people were pretty outright unfriendly, not just to me but to everyone it seemed. In Sodom and Gomorra, for instance, they did very wicked things. Things I don’t think are appropriate to describe here, but I bet you could imagine how bad they might have been. But, anyways, I think what you should get of this story is not that I am a spiteful God who likes to destroy cities. No, not that. But that I actually care about people. I want only the best for all of you - I want justice, and I want freedom, and I want liberty. That’s what I want! Hey, I even considered not destroying those cities (‘Okay, Abraham, if there are X amount of righteous people, I will spare the city’). Remember that? Okay, I did end up destroying Sodom and Gomorra, but that’s not the point. The point is that I only wanted to be a good friend to all of you. Really. That’s it. You know, I’m not the impersonal God you think I am. If I knew everything, for instance, why did I need messengers to tell me that those cities are wicked? Wouldn’t I have already known that? Please, don’t answer that. Really, I’m not here to argue theology. Why should I? I’m ‘God’, haha. Rather, I’m here to introduce myself to you because I want you to really know me. Most importantly, however, you need to know that friendship is not a one-way street. If you want me to be friendly, you got to be friendly too; and if I want you to be friendly, I got to be a friend to you. Really, I’m not asking a lot. I’ve given you all the rules too. Not just 10 commandments but rather 613 of them. The great grandchildren (and their posterity) of my friend Abraham through his grandson Jacob (another friend of mine) have nicely preserved them. Just open a Bible and you’ll find them. Truly, these rules are not too difficult to follow. Actually, they are pretty easy once you get the hang of them. I promise. So, are you getting the picture? I, Jerry or ‘HaShem’ or ‘Jehovah’ or whatever you prefer, although I created you, I am like you; and you are like me. Do you understand how awesome that is? Anyways, just think about that. I promise I will go into much more detail soon. But it’s kind of cold on this street corner. Don’t you think? Let’s get some coffee. Know any good cafes? The End.
Posted on: Wed, 07 Aug 2013 06:10:08 +0000
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