If Poem by Rudyard Kipling with music 4:44 AM and again sleep is elusive! I guess that G-D didnt answer by YOM KIPPUR prayers I prayed today! After as beautiful day as I could possibly have (though feeling guilty about doing things I never did as a child - driving for example - but now it it the only way to get to temple due to lifes circumstances - I never thought I would miss those younger days - when half of MY LITTLE TOWN was JEWISH and nearly everyone walked to and from the temple communally, fraternally , but I miss them terribly ! I better preface all this by telling you that I am drug free cept for diabetes and heart meds but boy do I wish (seems I wish and hope for lots of things) that there was a BAD TRIP TENT here like at WOODSTOCK because even though I never had a bad one - only nice happy ones - I probably couldnt find LSD for the life of me (might be just the MED I could use right now!) my mind is going through THEM CHANGES..I feel NATURALLY STONED and I am definitely going through a MIND EXCURSION (references ..Google em ..BUDDY MILES..AVANTE GUARDE ..TRADEWINDS ..make a great triple playlist!)! So my mind is going (tripping) through lots of changes and memorys ..hopes..dreams and regrets here that are keeping me awake and while I am not going to go through them all right now I got lots I need to get out (before I burst) ..maybe I should do an outline first to make this more comprehensive and easy to understand..as you can probably see (I am all over the place ..not really!) I may be talking to myself here and even if no-one reads this it is doing me good to write this! I believe that all the answers come from within ..and as I write this and when I look at it and read it I will come to more insights and self realizations and it will do me a world of good! I am not about to delve into all that is keeping me awake but just start to expound and hopefully put me to sleep for a while at least ! The clip of IF that I opened this with is not exactly the clip I wanted! I wanted BOBBY GOSH singing the poem that he put to music that I fell in love with the first time I heard it ..on the MUSCULAR DYSTROPY TELETHON with JERRY LEWIS (yet another reason I will always love JERRY)! Why did I open with it? Because I am kicking myself in the ass by forgetting about it in my panic to write my fathers eulogy! I wanted to use it for that occasion for a long long time. The lyrics encapsulate all my father was! I was especially thinking about that today when I went to the HAMPTON SYNAGOGUE ..got there just in time to hear CANTOR HERSHTICK and the choir sing AVINU AVINU ..the prayer for the STATE OF ISRAEL..which was sung to my father in one of his coma like states when RABBI MARC SCHNEIR walked in and my father arose and started singing along! It was like THE LORD G-D walked in and JESUS CHRIST himself rose from the dead..truly miraculous ! Next time I write Ill fill you in in the rest of YOM KIPPUR at the temple but hearing that today was the first time I cried! Suffice it to say for now..not bragging but ..oh yes I am..make it boasting... My father didnt do it alone , but he was one of the 10 founding members of the temple under the guidance of RABBI SCHNEIR who built what just may be the most unique and relevant synagogue in AMERICA for the last quarter of a century! I am probably as proud of my fathers involvement as any man has ever been as any of their fathers accomplishments! If we parsed IF every line in it pertains to dad! What I especially like is if you can walk with KINGS nor lose the common touch I really was iffy-iffy about going to temple today..sick to my stomach all week thinking about going..I had my choice of a half dozen of them to go to but at the urging of RABBI SCHNEIR I attended and maybe he is smarter than me..it was probably just what I needed..to get out in public! My life has been on hold for a year and continues to be..sitting at that same damn dining room table and looks like I will be to do thank you notes for days to come! Many are telling me to take it slow..being without my dad is all new and horrifying to me ..starting with a grief counselor this week..in no mood for accountants..lawyers...investment counselors etc! Shiva was cut short by a couple of days by the holiday but in lots of ways I wish it wasnt! My father was buried just 2 weeks ago and I still have another 2 weeks before I can shave off this beard although I might keep it as a reminder and for those two weeks Id like to relax as much as possible! Really glad I went today Much more on that later along with shiva and fish heads ! If you read this please let me know and thanx! If you didnt ..your loss!
Posted on: Sun, 05 Oct 2014 09:52:50 +0000
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