If anyone doesnt know my story i am willing to tell it again. I ask you if you can to please share it everywhere . I ask bc i simply need help and dont know where to turn. 5 Years ago i got into a fight with someone it was self defense . I had no idea she came out of no where . I have issue when i fight i blackout bc i had to defend myself i had no choice but to fight . Im not proud of what i did i just felt my life was on the line . The girl ended up in the ICU . She took me to court after she recovered . The court decided it wasnt self defese bc i took the matter way to far. They then gave me juvenile probation . I was going through a very tough time dealing with my first break up of my first love. So i meant someone i thought he was the one i was 16 and he was 20 . My probation officer didnt like it but she couldnt do much bc i had parents concent . So i started missing a lot of school bc i got pregnant and had morning sickness all day i would go to school sick and be sent home for it i was sent away bc i missed so much school my probation officer had no choice she said . So she took me to crossroads for 3 months . From there i went to another juvenile detention center . I was 6 months pregnant . My mom fought for me to go to another place a safe place . So i went to court and they decided it was best i spent the remaining of my sentence in a mom baby place in eire. I didnt get along with the girls there they didnt like me bc i was white i am nit racist i dont judge anyone but the girls judge me. I try to keep to myself and having a baby in me gave me the strength to keep going. I finally had nikolas my baby boy my world was changed and i was happy even tho i was far from everything i know and the ones i love bc my son gave me the love i needed to stay strong for the both of us. I was doing very good there and they wanted to release me but they had to decide if i was ready to go home so they wanted to send me to a residential treatment place closer to my home in butler the only bad part was my son couldnt be there with me :( i had two choices from court to either give my son over to c.y.s and put him into foster care until i get out or i could give full custody to the father. I did what i thought was best for nikolas i gave him to his father and i was placed at a shelter for trouble juveniles until they could put me in the r.t.f . I was at that shelter for 3 months without my baby and i couldnt eat or sleep the staff was so rude too . I felt like i was going to die. So finally they got me into court so i could be taken to the r.t.f to be process for me to go home. So then at the r.t.f. i had a friend there and my family was close too they even let my son and his dad come see me i was finally starting to feel i could be happy again . I was there for 2 months when they finally released me a little after halloween . I then lived with my mother until we got our own place. The father and i grew out of love and we didnt see at at the time but we try to make it work . I found out while i was away he cheated and had a son i didnt know bout until the child was 2 . It broke my heart but we try to get pass it but the cheating didnt stop nor did the lien . We moved into a trailer to try to get a new start but we also let friends live with us bc we wanted to help them. Things were okay but he would complain bout how he was feeling belittleed by his friend so i told him to talk to him but he didnt i ended up talking to him and long story.short our friendship was over and so was ny family i gave my sons father a.chance to choose i kno it was wrong of me to make his choose his friends or me and his family but at that time i just couldnt take any of it . So he choose his friends . I thought he still had full.custody so i couldnt take my son and i was so hurt I then left and went to my sisters i was in shock and heartbroken i had to leave my son and the man i thought i loved didnt care . So i stayed in my room at my sisters for 3 months i only woke up to eat go to the bathroom or smoke a cigg. I was still not processing everything that was happening to me . My sister one day talked to me and helped me to understand that it wasnt the end of the world and i could still have my son that i should fight for him. So i called my sons father and told him that i have done a lot of thinking and its best were not together but that i still want to see ny son. He then said i coukd see nik if i paid him 150$ each time i wanted to see him . I was so hurt hiw could he do this to me with my own child so i did it anyways bc i did what i had to so that i could be in my sons life. I started seeing nik a lot and his father and i was starting to reconnect . We was even talking bout living together again and being a family. Then one day he said he ment someone at a party and he has been hiding it from me for weeks . That he didnt know it was going to get that serious . That it did and he wanted to see how it would go. I was once again heartbroken and knew that she could take my place of being a mother . I did and said things i wasnt proud of and i will always regret it. I have tried to apologize to the girl and my sons father but they didnt want no part. My sons fathers girlfriend grandma died and my mom knew her and wanted me to go to the funeral showing so she didnt have to go alone . Im not going to lie i did agree to go bc i knew she would be there and so would my sons father i guess i wasnt over him and i wanted him to see what he was giving up and i wanted to hurt her bc i felt she was taking my place . So i showed up there in a dress that was not appropriate and i was suppose to have my son that day but i had my sister watch him until i was done there . I was young in love lossing my family i just wanted to give it another chance . I seen that day how he looked at her was the way he use to look at me and i realized that he truly loves her so i asked my mom to take me to my sisters to get my son but she didnt want to leave and i didnt want to walk with the way ibwas dressed. Finally after a hour i got to my sisters to find that my son was gone his father took him from me . He called and said i was wrong to do that and that i need to let him go that i.will never see nik again. He blocked my number . He wouldnt even let me see my son . I tried i went to the courts and they said he has full rights there was.nothing i could do . It was hard but i had to move on and get better so i could see my son again a year went by i was getting better and getting my life on track when i meant my husband Im with now online . We feel in love talked a lot he really helped me to deal with the loss of not seeing my son . So we finally meant and he connvinced me to talk to my sons father again and see if he would be willig to let me see him its ben a year. So i did i got someone to give me his new number and i told him i was doig beter that i just wanna be in nikolas life and expressed how truly sorry i was about everything . He told me he would let me see nikolas if i brought diapers and wipes and money . So i my tj my husband now? drove me there too see nik. When i got there i handed my sons father the things and asked to to see our son . He made up.a.excuse saying he was.sleeping when i knew he wasnt . I could hear him . I then got upset its been a year and i wanted to see my son and my sons father was lien to me i got loud . I said i want to see nik i did what u asked please let me see him. He slammed the door in my face abd said he is sleeping thanks for the stuff bye. I lost it i began to think what if i never see my son again so i did something i wasnt proud of there was a window on the door . I told him i swear on my sons life if u dont let me see him i was going to break it and break in to see my son . He didnt believe me so then i kept my word and grabbed a piece of wood of his porch and threw it through thr window . He then called the cops and was trying to poke me out the window with a little fire pitch fork so i couldnt get into the house to see my son. So finally the cops came and was very mad they called me a bad mom and i felt bad but the lady cop.understanded me when i told her my story and told my sons father that i should see nik bc that was the only reason i did all of that . So he brought nik out to see me and i hugged him like it was my last i told him i loved him and that i will never give up.on him and i.didnt. I went to court for breaking the window i told the truth about everything i admitted to the judge that i did break the window but i did it bc i was willing to do anything that day to see my son and the judge agreed with me that i shoukd be able to see my son . He asked my sons father why he doesnt let me see him and he told the judge he just doesnt want me too. The judge told him he couldnt make him bc its a family court matter but he did call him a asshole which i thought was funny and true .the judge dropped all charges but the window is had to pay for that and wished me good luck. I didnt have good luck tho my sons father moved and i didnt know where and i guess u cant fail for custody.of.your child until u know where they are .no one would tell me either i had no way of knowing where my son was 2 years went by my son was turning 3 i couldnt look at a kid without crying those three years felt like eternity to me i was so.depressed my husband tried his best to help me cope. Then something happened i.didnt think would i found out i was pregnant with a girl. I always wanted a girl and i should of been happy but i wasnt i didnt have my baby boy :( when my daughter alicia was born that changed she gave me strength to fight she showed me that i have 3 things to live for and that is when i began to do anything to.find out where my son was . This year i found out where my son was and i took his father to court and i fought for custody and got supervised visits at family pathways where i had to pay 20$ a hour to see him plus 160& for a.court report . When i seen my son after not seeing him for 3 years it was a emotional day i knew he could of forgot me and thought i.had prepared for it but i wansnt. The lady asked him if he knew who i was and he said no my heart broke. She then said this is your mother to which he replyed i didnt know i had a mom my world crashed i kno there was a chance he would forget me but i didnt know how bad it would hurt and how i will never get those words out of my head . I started seeing nik every week.for.a.hour it was so nice he started to know i was his mom and call me mom too. I was at family pathways for 6 months when we went back to court they decided that i stay there for another three months and continue with supervised visits . I fought it bc i knew it was wrong why am i having to pay to see my child and have someone watch me with him. Its just not fair so i took it to court and the judge ruled in my favor that could move this along faster i am starting saturday with a new a place called special outreach service where the cost is even more i had to pay 50$ just for what they call a intake but wll i did was.write down my info and sign . So this Saturday i get to see.my son but now.i have to.pay 40$ a hour and gas miles for them bringing him closer to.where i live now . Which i just find all this to be against the law or.something i just ask you to please if you know anyone that can help me or give me good advice please i just want my son back i hate having to be apart from him . Its.not fair to me.Im the.mother i.should have more.rights but.i.dont .please share this please help a mother be with her son . I kno i made some mad mistakes and if i could go back i would change it but i got punished and i still am and will be for the rest.of.my life. Im doing a lot better and my daughter will be two next month and my son finally knows who i am. I just want more time i want holidays bc nothing is or will ever be the same without me having both my kids together . I thank who ever reads this and shares my story and i pray everyday no one makes the mistakes i did . Having a baby to young could just change your life forever bc you lose yourself .you have to mature at a young age and you have to put.someone else before yourself and protect that person no matter what . You grow up to fast and dont getting to.experience life the way u can when you dont have a kid bc every choice u.make isnt just bout you anymore. I.just ask if u have a child that you make sure you are ready emotionally and physically and financially bc its the biggest responsible thing you will ever do in your life and you.wanna be completely ready. I wasnt and look what happen but i made it through it with a lot of help and therapist too and when i had my.second.child i.waspletely ready and blessed with another chance . Now my life is getting better but i wont be fully happy until i have my.son back with me and if.anyone can help me please help :( thank you.to.everyone who has helped already it means so much to be most of all thank you god for never giving up on me even when i almost gave up on you . I will always have greatest for how far i have gotten with your guidance and love . If anyone else going through a rough time i wish and i will pray for you that god shows you the right way.
Posted on: Wed, 27 Nov 2013 13:56:24 +0000
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