If theres one thing Ive struggled with most in my life, its probably relationships. Ive always been fine on my own. Im independent. I dont need someone to make me happy or make me feel complete. I feel like these traits may do me more harm than good when it comes to building a relationship with someone. They caused me to create a wall between myself and other people. For whatever reason, Ethan was able to break through that wall. We fell in love. We created the most amazing little boy in the world. We have had a lot of amazing times, and we have also had a lot of not so great times. Lately, we both have been feeling like those not so great times have been far outweighing anything else. We are two very different people. With different dreams, different passions, and different mind sets. We butt heads. For the last few months Ive been thinking the only thing that has been keeping us together is Austin, and wondering if maybe thats the only reason we were brought together in the first place. I have felt void of emotion, and that wall started to go up again. I love my life. It is great in literally almost every single area, except my relationship. I have been ready to call it quits for a long time. Ready to be on my own again. Then last night something happened. I allowed myself to be open. I allowed myself to live without the wall for a split second. I allowed myself to say I love you again, and I cried. I cried hard. What I thought was lost forever was still there. I still love Ethan very much. Although we may be different and might have to work extra hard to keep our relationship strong. I do love him, and the both of us are willing to work together in order to keep our love alive. I have no idea what is going to happen, but I feel like there is hope. I feel like there has been a change in both of us. Respect has been restored for each other, and the finger of blame we were pointing at one another has been turned around, allowing us to see the situation through a different perspective. Often times if we want to see a change on the surface, we need to make a change on the inside, and that change starts with us. Not the people around us. Im not really sure where Im going with this, I just felt the need to share. It has been weighing on me for a long time, and I feel so much relief in knowing that a positive wave has been brought over us.
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 22:20:24 +0000
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