If you are going through a tough time or grieving the loss of a loved one, this post is for you..... Holiday Cheer or Fear The holidays will be soon upon us and they can bring a variety of emotions: from utter excitement and joy to depression or even despair. On the one end, the holidays can’t come soon enough; and on the other, we can’t wait for them to be over. As I have experienced both of these polar opposite emotions, I have thought a lot about why we place so much significance on the holidays. If you haven’t spent much time thinking about it, I encourage you to. It can be an eye opening experience and may just change the way you not only view the holidays, but life. I think that one of the reasons the holidays are so important to many of us is that it gives us something to look forward to, something to celebrate, and something that changes the ordinary and mundane into something exciting and fun. Christmas is especially exciting because it allows us to believe in the magic of one night in the entire year where we wake up to a surprise of presents wrapped under a beautifully lit and decorated Christmas tree. Not only are they presents for you, but they are things that you’ve placed on a “wish list” and in this one night, your wishes come true. There seems to be no greater feeling! While many of us enjoy the experience for ourselves, watching this unfold for someone else is just as exciting as we participate in helping their Christmas wishes come true. Unfortunately, this magic of Christmas also has a dark side. This dark side is exposed when for one reason or another, the magic doesn’t happen. The loss of a loved one we once shared these moments with, the loss of financial means that we once had, or even worse, no one to share these moments with. This can leave us with not much to look forward to but an empty tree, an empty pocket book, and an empty heart. Regardless of which end of the coin you land on, one thing is for certain, the holidays will come. The question is: “Will you meet them with fear and dread or with excitement and cheer?” Here are a few of my personal insights that I hope will help you meet the holidays with a little more cheer than fear. My first suggestion is to remember this - the holidays are just events. Just as they come, they will also go. The only real value they hold is the value you place on them. Yes, it can be fun and exciting. I’m not suggesting that you turn into a Scrooge; but, maybe if you tend to lean towards holiday fear, try letting go of some of the significance you place on them. Ask yourself why they are stressing you out. For instance, if it’s because of money, then ask what you can do to minimize your expenses. Let go of what you think you should be able to give and start accepting what you can give. Often, it’s our perception of what other people think is much different than how things are actually perceived. Find a way to serve and give back with your time rather than your money. If your fear is because of the loss of a loved one that you won’t be sharing your holiday with, find a way to symbolize that they will be with you. Honor that memory in a way that is healing for you. After I lost my mom, all the holidays were very difficult, but especially Christmas. In an attempt to make her a part of my Christmas, I purchased an ornament that has an inscription on it. Now, every year when I get out my Christmas decorations, I place that ornament on my tree. It’s a small and simple thing, but it really has helped make it feel like she is part of the holidays with me. My second suggestion to you is that in honor of the season of giving don’t be afraid to give yourself a gift. One of the best gifts I have ever given myself was two years ago. I had one of the toughest years of my life and I could hardly think of the holidays. I was not in a good place emotionally and the holidays seemed to bring an acute awareness of the pain of the losses I was experiencing. I was having severe anxiety over the family celebrations and dreading the thought of having to put on a fake smile and a brave face. So what did I do? I let go of everyone else’s expectations and I gave myself a gift; I gave myself permission to do what I wanted. I wasn’t going to put myself in an environment that caused anxiety or fear. So that year, I didn’t buy many presents, I don’t think my tree ever got up, and I didn’t go to any of the family activities. I only did what I thought was emotionally safe to do. I will admit I was afraid that I might be given a hard time about my decision, but really the questions were minimal and what was more important is that it made the holidays bearable and I experienced them without having an emotional meltdown. My third and last suggestion is simple - remember that time is the great healer of all wounds. If this isn’t your year, then make it a goal for the next one to be. Pray to God for strength and healing; then, move forward at a level that feels right for you. I love these comforting and profound words found in Ecclesiastes, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant and to pluck up that which is planted;…A time to heal; a time to break down and a time to build up; A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance. He hath made everything beautiful in his time (Ecc 3: 1-5, 11). Lots of love and healing to you, Holly
Posted on: Mon, 11 Nov 2013 01:22:57 +0000
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