If you lost a loved one and feel all alone just look for their presence either spiritually or something tangible that says I was here, I existed and you will see that they will always be with you. Its not in the form that you want because I would give anything to have Rehtaeh walk through that door bigger than life and say Hey Mama! That is not going to happen and Ive been pretty sad these days however love does not die when our loved ones die.Love transforms but it never ends. I think we need to take comfort in knowing they will always exist. In our memories and in whatever they left behind that we can see/touch/feel - thats their imprint in the physical world. This morning I woke up to the song in my head You are not alone by Michael Jackson and yesterday all day I felt a gentle nudge, a quiet voice offering gentle advice. It was not a voice I use to contemplate things nor was it the type of things I would even say to myself. I found a letter this morning saved in the computer that I received from Rehtaeh several years ago. That day she left it on the table for me and it turned my day around.Thankfully, she saved it on the computer and yes it reminds me that she is not here but yet those words she wrote brought me to a place where she is very much here and a part of me. Here is the letter that I copied and pasted as I cant figure out an easy way to attach it right now. It must have been in October because she talks about the witch that makes the noises. Rehtaeh Parsons is her name! Mom, I was in the kitchen looking for something to eat, and i see the dishwasher is loaded so i figure your probably going to ask me to do it later, why not do it now? so i did. Then i see dirty dishes in the sink and think of what a bad day youve had, so i figure whynot? Its only a few more minutes of my time. Then i step back and take a look around the kitchen, i think wow, what a mess. Then i think of how you got locked into a bathroom today, and i figure whynot? Theres worse things. So I start scrubing pots & pans, wiping the counters, picking up garbage.. etc. Then I sweep, and think to myself almost done. As i go look for the dustpan (btw never found it) I look into the living room, and oh looky looky, a big mess. I figure why not? its only a few more minutes, not like theres anything better to do.Afteralll your truck broke down today. You deserve a little in return, even if I cant pay to get it fixed. So im cleaning the living room now. A few times while doing this i asked myself why am i doing this, i could be on the computer or reading a book, then i tell myself im doing this for you mom, i can read a book after & facebook gets boring after 5 minutes. So I get over it and go to find the vacuum. But as i turn around i see temmas playing basketball in the house and every time she bounces the ball that crazy witch goes nuts. I see teaghan climbing onto chairs and taking stuff down, only to throw onto the floor. Do I not deserve any respect? Then I think of how you go through this every day, and how you must feel. How I get pissy with you just because im having a bad day. What about you? Youve done nothing, yet everyone treats you like shit. Today I took a step into your shoes and Id just like to say you deserve 10x more acknowlegement then you get. You deserve 100x more respect then people give you. You deserve 1000x more love from me and the people around you. XoXo rehtaeh parsons ♥ ♥ ♥
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 15:40:34 +0000
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