If you’re tired of the lists that look back on things that have happened in 2013, fear not! Looks like 2014 is ALREADY shaping up to be a strange one. Here are just a few of the things that have already happened in the first three weeks. • An Oklahoma man was arrested after giving his father a wedgie so severe that his dad died from suffocating in his underwear. • A woman named Beautiful Existence successfully ate nothing but Starbucks for an entire year. • At least 50 people burned themselves trying to throw boiling water in the air during the Polar Vortex. • Los Angeles now has a burrito vending machine. • The country came dangerously close to a Velveeta shortage! • A guy claims to have killed Bigfoot. A Bigfoot hunter named Rick Dyer says he lured the beast out by nailing pork ribs from the Walmart down the street. Rick is keeping Bigfoot at an undisclosed location, but says, It is the real deal. • A Florida woman gave birth in a Walmart parking lot while her husband was shopping. • It got so cold that an escaped Kentucky prisoner turned himself back in to jail. • We elected our first Pastafarian politician to office. Who? Christopher Schaeffer. What? Pastafarianism. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. • Director Michael Bay seemed to completely forget what directors do. The teleprompter failed and when asked, What inspires you? HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY. So he walked offstage.
Posted on: Tue, 28 Jan 2014 13:35:41 +0000
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