Ill go first. Im one in three. Im the one of out three women that have been in a domestic violence relationship. Im not on Twitter but I am on Facebook. Im having complete anxiety typing this but if ever there was a time for me to go public (or even more public) now is that time. #whyIstayed. Let me start by saying domestic violence is horrible. You are being abused by someone you care about. You are being abused by someone you took vows to; vows that you stand by (for better or for worse). You are being abused slowly not all at once. You are abused isolated from your friends and family. The bruises are not noticeable usually because they often times psychological, financial and/or can be explained away. You live in a constant state of fear. Fear from the abuser. Fear from your friends finding out that your marriage is not perfect. Fear from your family that your marriage is failing. So you stay. You think you can endure. You think things will change. You start to think youre the problem. If you just become better, things will change. Wrong. You are slowly dying from the abuse. It never gets better. I had five pregnancies. I have two children. You dont think psychological and mental abuse is bad, think again. #whyIleft. This is a simple one. He tried to kill me. He couldnt control himself anymore. The threats started getting worse. His cycles started getting closer together. He was losing it. I was pregnant with Brendan and couldnt leave. I didnt know how to leave. I have always told people that I had Preeclampsia and that is why I had a full placenta eruption when Brendan was born six weeks early. The real reason is because my abuser smothered me with the pillow while sleeping and the damage from lack of oxygen was slow but almost took my life as well as my sons life. Again, I didnt know how to leave. Alone in a hospital, trying to leave but couldnt because the doctors couldnt figure out why my blood pressure wouldnt go down. Alone because my then husband had berated my mother so bad a friend had to come pick her up from the hospital. She didnt have answers either. She didnt know what was going on. I defended him to try and defuse the situation. I wanted to die. And then Brendan came home and thats when my husband started abusing the kids. Thats when you decide enough is enough but how. How do you leave? Where do you go? You have to go to work. You have to provide for your children. I was fortunate enough for someone to recommend an excellent attorney. He developed a game plan for me to leave but it came with risks. He had two previous clients killed trying to escape their own abusive relationships. And then I was attacked one last time. And with my new found strength that I had knowing that I had a team of lawyers and law enforcement officials that believed me. Do you know how many felonies he has committed against you? I had enough evidence to get a protective order and it ought me some time but it didnt end the abuse. I thought the worst was over. I was wrong. What I endeavored afterwards was another level of hell. A historical legal battle in the court systems with legal bills approaching seven figures. Neglecting and threatening my children and child care providers. Constant harassment at work. And this was after our divorce was final. And then finally, the cops told me, you just need to leave. Hell never leave you alone. My attorney would always tell me that Nicole Brown Simpson is dead because her house was on the way to the airport. So in the middle of the night, I fled. I went to Charlotte and tried to get my life in order. One of my first calls was to the police to tell notify them of the situation. I am still going through the process six years later. Raising kids on my own. No financial support from my ex because I refused it since he just uses it against me. Living multiple states away from my friends and family because it is safe. There is no end to my story. It ends when one of us dies. Its sad. Its true. Its reality. That is why we dont leave. That is why we stay. You cannot take domestic violence lightly. And whatever you do, dont blame the victim. You have no clue what the hell she is going through. This is my story unfortunately my story is not unique. My goal and passion in life is to continue to provide a safe environment for my children but to also help other victims. Through the help of some amazing friends that have given me the power, the courage and the strength to come forward Im excited about the things to come. That is what inspires. That is what keeps me going. Helping others. #enddv
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 20:55:28 +0000
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