Ill take surviving in a third world country or on a battlefield any day over grappling with philosophy and mental challenges. In a struggle, you dont think, you just act. Ive noticed that I have to be constantly doing something now, no matter what it is, and thats because I need to just do things instead of think. There are some days where I would give the whole of human existence to just pause my thoughts for a couple hours. To just shut down and restart. Hell, it could be done pretty easily in todays world. Medically stop my heart and leave me alone for a few minutes, then bring everything back up and running. It probably wouldnt solve anything, and aside from the huge risk of actually dying and the fact that its a bit more complicated than what I described, itd be a giant waste of money and resources for someone who might actually be in trouble. But the thought of restarting my mind has been in the back of my head for years now. Think about how many problems restarting a computer can solve, shut off everything and force it to come back on one at a time and a huge amount of glitches and errors disappear. They come back eventually, but then you just restart it again. As it wears out you replace parts and eventually the entire machine. But you cant do that with humans. You could create some analogy where a controlled death and come back are the restart, organ transplants are replacing parts, and having a child is replacing the machine, but it just isnt the same. The cycle repeats and someone else is left struggling in the void trying to get by and figure out life. I understand why people commit suicide, in a way. The urge to turn off your thoughts and just get a break from the overwhelming non-answer of life is immensely powerful. To get away from the vast emptiness of the universe and the gulf between humans, to stop the flow of incessant thoughts, ideas, and cycles is tempting, but a break is all I want. To end something as insane, terrible, and beautiful as a conscious life is paramount to the greatest crime ever committed. Its like getting hurt and screaming out obscenities or a cry of pain, but doing nothing else. You cry out in pain to let others know there is something bad happening to you that they should avoid, or to get attention from others because that is how they view it. Suicide is telling others that you cant handle life, and instead of looking for a different way or learning from it, you just scream and shout and become lost in the pain. When I hurt myself, I cuss or shout or just say ow under my breath, but afterwords I change my ways and try to avoid hurting myself the same way while letting others know what Ive learned. In that manner, ending your life and restarting it could give you insight onto your life and others, and allow you to learn some morsel of truth about the universe. Its not practical, plausible, testable, or morally, ethically, and Im pretty sure legally allowable though. But one day, if I ever get the chance, I want to experience death and come back. I want to feel my life slipping away, to know fear; but I also want to come back from the end, to slowly regain my consciousness and hopefully learn something of it. The ultimate restart.
Posted on: Wed, 23 Oct 2013 06:24:27 +0000
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