Im Coming Out With My Crazy, Running from the Devil, and Choosing Love I appreciate all the calls for a Happy New Year. Really, I do. Who doesnt want to be happy? I attend weekly life coaching classes, trying my best to choose happiness. I started these classes when I acknowledged that I am going crazy. I am beginning to understand that choosing happiness is a skill, based on love-based versus fear-based thinking. I am beginning to see that Gods resources, including love and grace, are abundant if I can learn to receive and extend them. Oh, and my inner Baptist reminds me that I need to keep the Devil away. Hes such an impetus to living well. The Devil keeps entering my thoughts, words, and actions. Somehow, I dont think 2015 will be any different. I admit to channeling my inner Scarlett and putting off things until tomorrow. But I recognize that tomorrow may not even come. I have lost people I loved over the last couple of years. I have come to grips with mortality. I am learning to live in the present before The Presence. #workinprogress I suppose my big epiphany over the last year, my road to approaching 50 this year, has been that I am crazy. Anne Lamott, one of my favorite writers, says that everyone is crazy. She claims that some people just do a better job of covering crazy up. Well I am done with the cover up. Its all out of the closet. #imcomingout Yesterday, I was in line in the drive-thru at Starbucks. There was a man tapping on the window. My fear-based thinking clicked in. Mary Margaret said, Mama, open my window. That man wants something. I said, Mary Margaret, we dont open up for strangers. MM said, Jesus helped strangers. What are they teaching her over at EDS? I cracked my window. The man said, Madam, your gas tank is open, and the stopper is hanging. May I put it back on and tighten that up for you? I thanked the good Samaritan and told him this was more evidence that I am crazy. Yep, Yankees call it bat shit crazy. That good Samaritan said, Well, at least you didnt drive off with the hose still in the fuel tank. Jesus saves. On Christmas eve after Mass, I ran into BI-LO to get some beer for His Lordship and a can of cranberry sauce. Jim waited on the curb. I had switched purses, needed a red one for church. The line to pay for these two items was LONG. Waiting always activates my crazy. When the cashier FINALLY gave me the total, I realized that I didnt transfer my wallet. I had been cursing that grocery store and that slow cashier in my mind during my wait. Now, the eyes of those folks in line behind me where screaming the same ungodly words at me. I announced that I am crazy and would get money from my husband on the curb. Jim was mad when I approached the car after 30 minutes for two items. He was justifiably mad that Id forgotten his beer the day before when I went grocery shopping. Yankees dont hold back mad. Jim gave me cash. I ran back in to pay. The cashier said that the lady behind me had paid my bill. After all, I reported my husband was on the curb. I ran after that senior woman, who struggled to walk and get into a old model car, to pay her back. She refused to take the money. That sweet soul, full of love and wisdom, told me that I needed to honor her desire to give me a Christmas present. I hugged her and cried. She knew I dont need the money. She knew my husband was in a nice car on the curb. (I wasnt in my morning carpool get up. Id cleaned up for church.) Thats grace people. I didnt deserve it. But she paid it anyway. I reflected on Gods love on the way home. His love is ever present. We simply have to choose it. I saw God in that woman. I cant seem to control my crazy. But if God allows me to live earthside in 2015, I pray that I can find God in others and that others can see through my crazy to see God. I am leaning into His grace to make it all possible. My word for the year is love. My friends, fellow writers, have inspired me to choose just one special word for the year. (Hard for someone like me who is rarely concise.) I will turn 50 in April. I cling to my belief that love will trump my bat shit crazy. Love was our beginning. Love will be our end. Love is where we are going. Love is always the answer. Happy New Year Everyone #love
Posted on: Wed, 31 Dec 2014 18:30:05 +0000
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