Im Only Human Confessionals (IOHC [pronounced Eee-ock]): Last night I dared to use soap on the vee-jay. It is organic goat milk baby soap so I considered it worthy of my human being portal which has been twice stitched. I know, ouch. Anyhoo, not long afterward I felt not quite right and asked my husband to erm, check it out. Looks fine he said. OF COURSE he said that, it was full frontal vee-jay. In need of a second opinion I turned to my hand mirror which lead me to Google images of prolapsed uterus of which there were only FARM ANIMALS with their wombs hanging out from underneath their waggy tails. Not helpful and very scary! I looked again and thought What if I do some Kegals because Im pretty sure that the uterus doesnt move when you do Kegals, its the ring of muscle contracting and if it all moves then its NOT my uterus! So I busted out a few rounds of Kegals into the hand mirror. Pretty sure Im safe from prolapse. And pretty sure thats the clinical standard for at home diagnosis. Thing is Ive been doing my squats and lunges and stuff and carrying the baby in the Ergo for months now so I thought maybe Id gone and you know, shaken it loose. Ha! Turns out that not even organic goats milk baby soap is worthy of me. Oh my Gawd that is an hour of my life Ill never get back and also an hour that I uttered the words vagina and uterus more times than a gynecologist Im sure. Insert crying with laughter face here.
Posted on: Wed, 20 Aug 2014 04:38:43 +0000
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