Im Ready To Love Again!!!! I honestly didnt think I would say those words again for a very very very long time, if ever. Love is what I am ready for. Love is what I want to come and get me. Love is back to #1 on the list of priorities for my soul. When I was young I thought that The Greatest Thing Youll Ever Learn Is Just To Love And Be Loved In Return. However the last 5 years I thought those words meant to simply love myself and external love would follow. I have grown to love myself more and more over these 5 years and understand that love is not just manifested between two people. I no longer look to outward sources to feel love. Love is all around me and when I am thinking and living in love the universe makes sure that I am filled with love pure style. Dont get me wrong being single and affection deprived, with no emotional support, without unconditional caring, and having no partner to share with has been different for me. Im only single by choice. I can always find a guy to be with me if thats what I want, but I would rather be single than be with someone just so I wont be alone ya know. Being single is not all bad...Its actually nice. Considering the guys out there in this day an age. Sorry guys but the good ones are usually taken or gay or are to nervous to approach me. And there are so many guys that are jerks, liars, perverts that dont know how to talk to or treat a lady, addicts/drunks, passive aggressive abusers, have no job, have kids they dont take care of, or wear a mask that hides all the deal-breakers for the first month of dating. Speaking of dating; Do men even take women on dates anymore? Because it seems like a lot of them think hanging out at the house and watching a dvd is a date, lol. I have also decided what I will not accept from another person. Haha, my young self didnt care if someone had a criminal past or used to have a wild lifestyle, as long as they were good to me and didnt hurt others I gave people the benefit of the doubt. Nope, not anymore folks... considering that 99% of the people I gave the benefit of the doubt to only played a part to gain my trust so they could take advantage of my good nature and loyal heart. Even some people saying they are friends were really just waiting to get in my pants yet played the part of a loyal friend. Even my closest family member used my desire for unconditional love to exploit, hurt, and belittle me because of her being bitter and jaded about love. Thats when I realized that my desire to be loved was misguided, when my own family member could make me see love as a bad thing as a result of using my desire for unconditional love against me, thats when I learned to love myself on the real. People like that, in addition to abusers like my ex husband or men like my rich and swanky ex boyfriend that had serious passive aggressive control issues which his facade hid very well, are the reasons I had kept love out of my life for 5 whole long years. The sad part is thats exactly what those people want, the whole If I cant have love, you cant have it either. or If I cant have you I will try to make it to where you dont trust people anymore so you push good people away that are trying to get close to you. Then no one will want you because you have closed your heart and your smile is no longer warm, inviting, and glorious but turned as cold as ice.. Yeah Im finally acknowledging that there are some really screwed-up folks out there that are miserable and want company in their misery. But yeah, I did need those 5 years of singularity to reflect on the relationships Ive been in, the good and the not so good ones, so that I could really figure out what love means to me, what I want out of a relationship, what I want in a partner, and what is important to ME. Im ready now to have a healthy and happy relationship based on love, trust, respect, and happiness. Not on desire, need, or because a guy was clever enough to catch me and throw away the key, like my ex husband and my rich and swanky ex boyfriend did. Shoot even the drunk thrift store guy tried to keep me on lockdown, the guy would throw a fit if I wasnt up his arse or doing something that benefited him and or his life. Point being that I love the me that I am. I love the path that I am on now and I want to share my life journey with another. I want to love again and be loved in return. Now that I appreciate myself and the love I have inside of me, Now that I can be outwardly firm in demanding that my worth be valued and appreciated, Now that I appreciate the real true value of being loved the way love should be shared. The next time will be the all-time greatest kind of love because I wont settle or accept anything else. I know you have been waiting for me to get my heart beating again. You have been patient and I cant express how much I respect you for letting me work things out on my own that had to be dealt with before I could really settle down with myself and be happy doing so. You know I can love you, I just had to accept that I can be loved by you.
Posted on: Wed, 29 Jan 2014 06:09:54 +0000
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