Im coming to realize and whole-heartedly believe, right now, all my stars are aligned Just Right. Some people think best in the shower. Perhaps, for others, its while theyre driving their car or a golf ball. ...Me?, I always have the deepest, most meaningful epiphanies, Eurekas! and lightbulbs go on when Ive got my 6-pack in harness and am on a late night dog walk. No people, no cars... Just me and my best friends with the moon lighting our way. ...Now, these days, its the Village of Waterford, but its been this way for me for a long, long time. Its really been ever since I can remember. My mind works best with a leash in my hand. Thats when my mental switch flips to On, neurons fire, illuminate and my grey matter/space really lights up & shines. ...Id say this personal phenomenon dates back to the long ago days of Pepper and Sadie and our countless quiet laps in the countrys cool, dark, but starry, solitude of Millbrook Circle in the Town of Vernon. It held true in Milwaukee, Elm Grove, Wauwatosa, RiverWest... The names of those in front, at the end of the leash, walking with me have changed through the years too... Abbey, Maggie, Indie, Zoey, Charlie, Birdie, Daisy, Lucy... But its always been the case that thats when my thoughts wander best. (the few short swaths of time Ive been dogless I must have been a brainwave flat-lining, mindless, drooling, zombie-like sleep-walking empty/hollow husk of a human) You know, I was thinking tonight... ...if I was lucky enough to live to be 100 years old, and my lifes biography was written in a book with each year being a sole, one-page chapter... It might be that Chapter 44 is THE most consequential of the one hundred. Maybe Id be overstating saying it would be above all others, but it would be way up there. Lets see... Chapter One would be rather important. I became a kindergartener in Chapter 5. Thats a pretty big deal. First Communion? Chapter 7. Really, how can you discount the importance of any (or all) of the formative, youthful years? They shape who/what you are and what you are likely destined to become. Chapters 16, 17 (1987), 18 and 21 would all have their monumental & milestone moments. In Chapter 22, with Its Miller Time taped atop my mortar board, I walked up the steps to a stage and was handed a diploma from UW-LaCrosse. (I still cant believe I had enough brain cells survive the 4.5 years of Third Street and a constant Old Milwaukee & marijuana marinade to somehow accomplish that feat) I think I was 27 when Morgan was born. That would be the biggest single seminal event and pivot point in the story of me. Its undeniably when/where I took the biggest turn in who I was and what I was to be about. (purpose/priorities were re-defined at that point... aka, its when, albeit belatedly, I grew up) Chapter 29/30-ish would be one the best, but it would quickly take a turn and Chapters 30/33-or so, would often mostly be very, very dark and depressing. I could steal Dickens line for these 4 chapters- It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. I loved being Daddy to an adorable little baby/toddler Morgan Munchkin. She was my Junebug and my world. The years I worked as a broker/advisor at Strong Investments were very important. It was at Heritage Reserve where I really started, maybe for the first time, to truly believe in myself and blossom. Though in these chapters, for the first/only time in my life, I had my heart broken. I was severely, wholly devastated, broken down and largely dysfunctional, and I dont think its wrong or an exaggeration to say I wallowed in a funk of heartache, self-loathing and darkness for a time of about 3 long years. I was in my squalor of general sorrow, sadness & self-pity for a loooong time. All over a girl. It was A Tale of Two Mes. Morgan and Strong healthly consumed a lot of my time. Additionally, crying and sobbing took a lot of my time. Retrospectively, Im exceptionally grateful for the constant faithful friendship, love and companionship of my beloved, late Abbey-dog. Not being morbid or macabre, but sometimes I wonder if Id still be writing chapters had I not had her by my side, and there to talk to, and there to listen to me, and, of course- there to walk with, during those otherwise very lonely, desperate, mentally/emotionally chaotic times... Then the good Lord said, Let there be light!. Slobodanka entered (and altered the course of) my life in 2004. (my Chapter 34) We will celebrate our 10-year anniversary of meeting at Club Trocadero on Water in May. She has lifted me up over the last ten years, but Ive still encountered my share of potholes, detours, dead ends and injuries (some self-inflicted, some not) along the way. As much as anything, Ive largely idled in neutral in aspects of my life. To be honest, assessing myself, Ive struggled with lack of an idea, a calling, a plan, a direction, a mission, a mentor... Additionally, Ive been heavily weighted down by various crosses and baggage I carry from my past. Ive had an ugly 150lb parasite on my neck the last 16 years and am counting down the months it drops off with growing anticipation, excitement and relief. Its been a crippling handicap (in much, much more than the obvious ways- youd have to have walked in my shoes to empathize and understand) for a long time and Ill be so grateful to be rid of its ungrateful financial burden and even more- its emotional/spiritual suffocant, soul-sapping(crushing), cancerous-like black cloud. I also have a score to settle up on with the IRS and State of WI that has been lingering and festering for way too long. Bottom line, both time (Ms growing age) and steps Im taking (tax medicine Im swallowing), are making it be that I can put some of my past in my past, where it belongs. I thank God every day for Slobodanka. Shes my best friend, my buddy and my favorite Serbian, and I may not have endured w/o her. In 2012, Slo & I were unbelievably (doubly) blessed with the Sillies. They put an unprecedented joy into the end of Chapter 42 and all of 43 and 44. Adventures with the twins would delightfully consume all of those pages text. This has been 2 years of happy chapters. My story found a new meaning/level of fun, humor and love, beginning 3/27/2012. The point of all of what I just wrote above... What I really could have just said in a line or two... What I took the long, winding and scenic route to get to... I think the year 2014 is going to be a HUGE year in The Book of Ray. Huge. The story is about to take a major twist again. The plot is thickening. I think, at the end of the day, when Im all said and done, in my 100-page book, chapter number 44 would go down as one of the few must reads. My life is getting interesting. I think I have finally found myself. The part of me that was missing anyway. Drastic new changes are being written in my storyline daily right now. And its good. Im excited to see where it leads. ...It took me a while, but rest assured, Daddio- Now, more than maybe ever before, I absolutely WILL be playing to my long suit. Watch. Youll see. Its severely overdue, but Im rising to a big occasion. With it, my long devalued stock is on the rise and about to skyrocket. I can feel it lifting. Watch. Youll see. I heard a knock at my door and Ive ripped it off its hinges to see whats behind it and Im currently in the process of letting it all in. ...Even more, for the first time in a long while, Im coming out of the ring corner and getting back in lifes fight. Im off the canvas and Im coming back with a vengeance. Watch. Youll see, Dad. In the meantime, No hay-makers. Straight to the nose. (like how the original Ray Barber taught you) Got it. Alrightie, thats more than enough metaphors for one paragraph. You get my point. Btw, thanx for the heartfelt letter. I read it 3x. As always, good advice from you. As for your laundry list of concerns, Ive already got every single one of those bases covered. (Another metaphor!) Thanks for caring so much. Worrying is a parents job. I know firsthand. LLY Tyrol Barber. ...By the way (again)... One more important thing to add- Its okay for you and mom to be slowing down. I understand. I get it. Idle down and keep it low. Go slow. Its okay. Dont explain. No worries. Just stay steady and stick around. Thats all/everything I want or am asking. Please. Okay, Ive got to find a way to sleep somehow. Ive got important, permanent things to write in Chapter 44 tomorrow. I really need some elusive rest! Living the insomniacs life (again/still) on Whippletree Lane.
Posted on: Thu, 03 Apr 2014 07:52:11 +0000
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