Im conscious that everything always looks too happy and perfect here on Facebook, so Im picking up on the courage of Lisa Shear Shawn, Edee Lemonier and other friends who had the guts to say 2014 was not their best year. Me too! Not the best, not the worst - but different. If youve heard me speak or read my articles on Having Your All, a big theme is that life has many chapters. For me, 2014 was part of a chapter in my life which is coming to an end. It wasnt a year when I was the most this or the most that or much anything. As I try to collect my thoughts, it was - with one big exception (below) - a year when I struggled to keep that delicate balance of honoring my own passions and goals - my me. A challenge many of us face - moving too far away from self interests and becoming selfless. I talk about this too in my speeches so I should know better - and do - I was a conscious observer of myself, throughout. There were good things and bad. If you follow my posts, you know that we lost our beloved Riley - our first pet, who was with us for a decade - to cancer. This was his second battle. Those visits to the animal hospitals - so many - dragging him in/me in. A struggle and I remember telling a friend how much it sucked to be a grown up. We miss him terribly. And much of 2014 was spent on the road - taking my daughter to tournaments and prospect camps. Almost every weekend from April on, we were on the road - and almost all of the summer. I am blessed to be part of her working towards her dream to play college basketball. I know that. But the constant back and forth, in and out, pack and unpack and repack was totally discombobulating. Shell be - G-d willing - heading off the fulfill her dream in the fall. Part of a chapter ending for sure. In between this all, my son started high school, and passed me at 58 and kept going another 3 inches. He still loves shopping as you all know :) Our Cantor had said me that one will surprise you. And he constantly does. And then theres my steady port in the storm: Arleen. I love that girl. Arleen too had a tough second half of the year. She misses her life partner Riley who was with her almost all her life. Now, shes stuck with Shep the pest who - well, you know. The only part of me that I have very consciously kept an opening for is to find love. I had spent a good part of 2012 and part of 2013 - a year - celibate and waiting for someone who was married to man with kids, but gay, to find the strength to become her true self. She couldnt. Were talking about religion and the suicide of a trans teen on a post below. Religion and guilt associated have that power over grown-ups still too! I watched her suffer, almost break down, her health suffer, the closing the door at work to sob every day - and finally I had to move on, true to the idiom the only person who can help you, is yourself. This year, I was back in the world of romance again - as an evolved, vulnerable person, and hence the roller coaster ride that entails. And so, Im ready for 2015. Excited about it actually as I think it through. Life is always an adventure, always changing, not good or bad or anything but life. My rule and goal is to stay present, always, and just feel things. Im looking forward to The New Agenda and the big plans we have for this year too. Happy New Years friends!! xoxoxoox
Posted on: Fri, 02 Jan 2015 03:56:31 +0000
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