Im feeling pretty blah today.......the news I got yesterday of having to find a new place because of my landlord wanting to put the house on the market just really has brought me to a question of whats really going on and I am facing that question throughout my day with school and friends and transportation and money and blah, blah, blah........Today, I want to drop all of my classes, throw all my shit in storage, and drive around until I run out of gas, and then get on my bike and just ride until I cant anymore, and then camp and sleep under the stars, get my hands dirty in some little town and build a greenhouse, and go again to another town and build another greenhouse, and just go, school and the curriculum that I am having to follow makes me feel so constricted, in the box, rules, rules, rules, and Im not feeling intelligent or skilled because the challenges I am facing are not fit for me, I am learning, it is good, I am strong and will get through all of this bullshit, I am a mother, so I cant just give up and go drive around and live some gypsy life, ugh......so I just talk about it on here, like as if someone is listening, could care less if someone is not, and Im proud to admit my thoughts arent perfect, and I will not erase this, this is how I am processing, so there. Oh and may I mention that I am SUPER upset that I cannot get my hands dirty this weekend before the Full Moon on Sunday and plant starters and till my soil in the backyard, cuz it would all be for nothing. At one point in my life, I got my Bachelors degree in Occupational Studies and this degree I am trying so hard to get is taking the life out of me. I just want to have a good job, something sustainable, a good model for my daughter, be in a healthy relationship and share my passion 24/7, and see the world...............its not easy, nothing is, and when things are going great or I am having positive thoughts, the Universe tests me by handing me some shitty challenge. Well, theres my answer....whats really going on is the Universe is challenging me to make me a stronger person, I guess. But what about helping the Earth......that IS what I want to do!!!! I need some good karma. Feeling very alone today.
Posted on: Thu, 13 Mar 2014 18:59:50 +0000
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