Im going to share this because I went through that whole twin flame obsession phase, where i just felt i was being called to mine like i could actually see him just beyond my reach. Then I met someone who pretty much embodied that energy for me... but he pushed me away constantly and ended up ripping my heart to shreds with his actions... then left me for someone else he had left before and i know it had a lot to do with how easily she fit inside his world. I ran away and took a year of being totally depressed and crying all the time. I was sleeping on my sisters floor the whole time on the crap thin cushion destroying my hips just to save up all my money so i could take ayahuasca in Peru... because I wanted to understand why it all happened in the first place and were we meant to come back together?... should i wait for that moment. So i saved to go to Peru and take the journey to understand and to heal my soul scars that stretched back into many past lifetimes with this person. Before getting our tickets locked in (I planned the trip with two friends i hadnt met in person yet Lara and Kyle) my girlfriend Lara invites me to South Africa her treat... super generous of her and i was like why not go why not have that experience, just go just do it Tina! So i did and oh my gosh i am glad i did... i got there it was a total shock to my system but it got better each day and then one night I meet a new friend. .. his energy is very similar to what i felt in this other person with the sort of linking up on a psychic level... its just friendship but its definitely a past life connection or something... he tells me i had manifested a boy when i should have manifested a man. Which was so true... this person was a wonderful person but he still had a lot of life to figure out and he wanted things he didnt feel i could give but didnt give me the opportunity to prove otherwise, because he assumed he knew me exactly.... when he only knew the present me. So my friend was right i had self sabotaged myself by manifesting someone that refused to love me.... because I somehow thought I was undeserving of it due to abandonment issues from my childhood and my father. I talked a lot with my friend in south africa and would stay up late playing cards laughing. I truly felt at peace being by myself with my friends around and the funniest thing happened. I let go.... i let go before I even reached Peru. I said goodbye to my supposed twin... this person who probably hasnt really thought too much about his decision to cut me out of his life and the pain it caused me. I was okay with letting him dift off into my past and i forgave him and wished him well with all the love in my heart. Whilst there i have my dream of being part of a holistic retreat literally handed to me in South Africa... the days pass each more beautiful then the next ... i mean incredible days with secret waterfall swims, midnight drives in the bush, a magical pride of lions in the moonlight and finally i have to say goodbye to all my soul family i found there, as i head to Peru. Ahhh Peru Cusco you magical place how I love you. Since arrival everyone is so kind and loving even the stray dogs on the street. I fast and clense my body and have my first ceremony with some new folks i meet at the retreat... i drink two large glasses of ayahuasca due to early purging of the first and my world melds into my inner verse and I meet pachamama.... she shows me some very colorful visions many pyramids and the condor bringing me a gift in his talons.... my Paco the Incan master tells me my visions the next day. I am connected to the universe and gaia she is telling me i have all the gifts i need inside, the pyramids are the work i will be doing to reach transcendence. She also heals me of my skin cancer and other things I have been suffering from inside.... my heart feels as if its going to come out of my chest as she heals it... i keep rubbing my heart and hugging myself. I cleansed my soul of a lot of trauma that night. It actually stretches into a two day recovery process as i get a lot of back and stomach pain from the intensity of it. Kyle joins Lara and our new group of friends the second night.... Im so happy to finally meet him in person as we had become close friends planning the trip. He is such an awesome guy and rubs my back for me and gives me many hugs and we have so many awesome conversations.... we make great friends with Shannon, Jolla, and Luke.... as well as Aaron, Rachel, Elliott and Arielle that are also there its a very bonding experience. We all talk about our visions and really comfort each other. Finally im well enough for the last ceremony the Shaman only give me half a glass, but it is 10 times stronger then all the other nights. I go in with the intension of love, a soul to match my heart. I am in Africa and a lioness comes to me she sits in front of me and i ask if i can pet her she bows yes.... i stroke her fur and embrace her... i look into her eyes and see the universe. My British friend (met in south africa) puts his hand on my left shoulder.... i ask who the love is the shaman told me in a reading was coming. I see someone who is not available to me and i start to cry and say no an available heart pachamama. She shows me the same person again and i realize she is showing me an example of what i deserve. Not the actual person... that i deserve respect and love and this beautiful connection and communication that comes so easily. I then find myself painting a large black stallion and it comes alive i climb onto its back and it takes off into the universe. I am free
Posted on: Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:09:50 +0000
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