Im not at my best lately. Maybe I expect too much, maybe I am worth too little. I love what I do, dont get me wrong. Some things in my life just dont add up, arent where I need or want them to be. I wasted so many years thinking God would get me through things but I realized lately, thats not how it works. Whatever you believe in, God, the Universe, or even absolutely nothing... It doesnt matter. We are all pushing through life and relying on any sort of higher power to intervene and fix our problems is silly and going to lead to disappointment. Its up to us. That being said I have my vision now, I have my drive and I have the right team, so things are working out. But some things arent what I need them to be in life. My personal life isnt where I need it to be and is still the one area a lot of my stress comes from. I adore my family but many times I feel I am failing them, letting them down, and so on. So many people have walked out on me. Given up on me. I just want to be enough for them... We all have our addictions, our demons. Even me. I also have my share of ghosts and haunting memories. Most of us do. So why then, since I realize these things, can I not move past them? Why cant I move past my depression, this pity party of emotions where I cant help but look at my self and ask what good are you? So much more I could say but then Id be putting things out there that I shouldnt, so instead Ill keep them to myself and wonder if it will ever change, or will I keep moving in the same circle pattern over and over and over again... Well, good luck making sense out of this one.
Posted on: Wed, 06 Aug 2014 15:33:58 +0000
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