Im not today ashamed to admit that, for years, Id tolerated relationships that have been emotionally, verbally, and psychologically abusive. I used to think that I perhaps wore a sign, invisible to me, that said: nice guy here... be sweet for a month or so, then treat me badly and Ill still love you and try to work it out. Yeah... I was that dude. Then something changed. I realized that i could make different decisions. I decided that if I could speak with kindness and good intention to others, that it was reasonable to expect the same from others... especially others who claim to care for me. And yes, red flags go up quicker than they used to... sometimes in just noticing the way people treat strangers or mean things they say about people they know or dont know. I realized it was okay to want a really consistently nice person who reflects my ambition, and daily work, to reflect that same kindness. So no... I dont tolerate people talking to me in all sorts of abusive and aggressive tones. And my life has been so much more peaceful for it. I had to forgive the man of my past who seemed strong to everyone, but who tolerated some pretty bad stuff: nobody cares about your art, youre gaining weight, youre so plain to be a gay dude, you think youre so damn smart... your degrees dont mean sh** I wish nobody knew you were positive... (or gay). I like the man Im becoming. Im proud that he offers affirmation to others or keeps his mouth shut. Id like to meet a mirror in that regard. Change is hard but good. Stopped the serial relationships and enjoying the break to be happy with me. Grown man growing up.
Posted on: Sat, 27 Sep 2014 00:51:44 +0000
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