Im sharing this because a survivors view is needed. Not just the happy OMG I BEAT IT! view, but the harsher side of things. This woman has so much strength its amazing. Elizabeth ***** 18 hrs · Well, I am taking the “Free the Ta-Tas” campaign for Breast Cancer Awareness Month to a whole new level! After being sick for the better part of the past 2+ months with recurrent infections, I now have to face surgery to remove my implants on Friday. Not only did I get to lose my breasts once, but I get to lose them twice. How lucky am I? Its a tough psychological blow to say the least. *Warning: I need to vent my frustrations and give you a little more Breast Cancer Awareness.... LOL! I am sad that 3 out of 4 implant reconstruction patients have to face additional surgeries. Havent we been thru enough? At least, Im with the majority for once. I am angry that amputation is the method to treat and prevent breast cancer in certain cases. How barbaric is this?!?! What year are we in??? I am frustrated that in a society where bigger is better, the current expectation is for women to have big breasts. Therefore, breast cancer patients feel that we must face brutal reconstruction methods such as hacking up a muscles to reconstruct or implanting foreign objects into our bodies just to fit in but, with the goal of looking and feeling “normal” again. This really is for cosmetic purposes in clothing only! The reality is that there is no getting back to “normal.” There is only a new normal! Not to mention, contrary to common thought, reconstruction is nothing like an augmentation! Ive had more than one person comment about getting a free boob job out of this. Ugh! Do not say this to a Breast Cancer patient – EVER! Its not the same. Not even close! I am sad that my chest muscles were sliced open to insert these implants as I have lost most of my upper body strength. I couldnt saddle a horse, if I tried. But, there is no other option when you have no breast tissue left and you choose implants for reconstruction. Im think if I were healthy, maybe I would strengthen up again. I just dont think I would ever be as strong as before. I am pissed that I cannot go on a Donut Diet in order to use fat to reconstruct instead. But, even that method has its issues. If women werent objectified so much in the world, Im sure fewer breast cancer patients would consider reconstruction at all. The whole process is exhausting and you still look bad while naked at the end. At this point, Im not sure why I was persuaded to go thru this anyway – Vanity, I suppose. I am angry that vanity will probably cause me to attempt reconstruction again in 6 months when Im finally healed. Ugh! Stop the madness! Unfortunately, the next attempt may have to use my shoulder muscle, even tho my shoulder joint is already bad shape. I may have to just say No! Time will tell. I am disappointed that my shoulder still constantly hurts and seems unstable. After reading a lot online, apparently, shoulder issues are fairly common after lymph node removal and mastectomies. I am sad that my Orthopedic doctor is unfamiliar with this or at least, didnt mention it to me as a potential cause during my visits or therapy. In fact, I think most doctors and therapists outside of the Breast Cancer community seem to have no clue about anything related to Breast Cancer and the longer term side effects. For instance, when I first got sick a couple months ago, my ER doctor admitted that he referred to Google for my case. Ugh! I guess I should say, thank goodness for Google! I am really livid that significant progress hasnt been made to cure Cancer and that we must receive poison, aka chemo, as “treatment.” Really Scientific World! Really? Its almost been 2 years since I had chemo. There should be a cure by now! Do I have to go and get my medical degree and figure this out for myself?!?!? My friend, Lynn, and my cousin, Linda, are going thru treatment now and its a reminder to me of just how horrific chemo is to the body. They dont deserve it. No one does! I dont wish it on anyone! Chemo sucks! I am frustrated that insurance is so difficult to navigate. The out of pocket for this surgery is expensive and I have excellent insurance! I have trouble following people trying to explain my “responsibility” for this over the phone. I have no choice but to say, “OK, here is my credit card number.” After all, I need this in order to feel better and its not like I can “shop it.” Not to mention, there is no method for me to check to see if their numbers are right!!! This is frickin ridiculous! The system is broken! I am a numbers person and this is driving me crazy! I am tired of being sick and fear that I will never be healthy enough to do the things I love again! It will be 2 years in December since my Cancer diagnosis and I cannot say that I have reached a level of health anywhere near where I was before. With my 3 to 6 week recovery from this upcoming surgery, I will be pretty much at the 2 year mark. I am not looking forward to this surgery. But, I remain hopeful that I will feel healthy again someday. Well, thats all for now from this sad, frustrated, pissy, angry, tired, and sick (or is it sick and tired) Breast Cancer Survivor. Cancer, the gift that keeps on giving. Ugh! Thanks for reading! BTW – I hate pink! There, I said it!
Posted on: Wed, 22 Oct 2014 16:31:24 +0000
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