Im sitting on the couch looking around and thinking to myself....I guess this is what it means when they say its the calm before the storm. As most people know, I was injured on the job back in May 2013 and from that injury and subsequent surgery, I ended up with a systemic form of RSD/CRPS. Its progressed kind of quickly....theres been some organ involvement and I guess its safe to say that Ive been pretty sick for some time. I dont go out much and I dont see very many people, so its easy to hide behind a computer screen and cell phone. But its been tough. What I havent publicly admitted until today is that back in May I was terminated from my job. I loved being a paramedic and I loved that department more than anyone can imagine and was pretty devastated for a long time. Honestly, I didnt want to admit that they had fired me. It wasnt until recently that I realized that Ive got nothing to be ashamed of. Im proud of my time there. Im proud to have been able to do what I did for as long as I did it. And now, the second chapter begins. Tomorrow Im checking in to The Hospital for Special Surgery to undergo an experimental procedure that will hopefully help to add some quality to the life I already have. Ill be in a step-down unit having a 24 hour a day epidural ketamine infusion for the next five days. I did the math and I believe Ill be getting a total of 5,760 mg of ketamine over a 96 hour period. Thats a lot of Special K! As one friend put it, Ill be spending the next five days hallucinating, having night terrors, flashbacks, and being all around batshit crazy which Im hoping I wont have much memory of since Im told theyll be trying to counteract that with copious amounts of versed. In about three weeks Ill be heading to Hackensack to start outpatient ketamine infusions in the hope that we can build on what were hoping the inpatient infusion will do. Meeting with the doctor in Hackensack last week whos going to be doing those infusions, I told him all I wanted was my life back. He was very kind but said Jamynne, Id be a terrible doctor if I told you that you were going to get your life back. Because you wont. But, what we can offer you is hope. Hope that we can get you to a point where you can live the life you have now easier.....and hope that you can do some good things with that life. Its been a really tough week emotionally but having thought about what he said, I intend to do just that. Good things. A lot of good things. Ive had the support of some amazing people in my life this last year and a half. It goes without saying that I doubt Id have been able to navigate this disease the way that I have without them. I am so grateful for the love and kindness that Ive received and while I dont know how Im ever going to pay them back, I am quite certain that I will be doing what I can for some time to ensure that happens. Beth Wallace Barton....youre an amazing sister and I love you very much. Hopefully Ill give you something to laugh at this week. ;-) Travel safely up here. See ya when I wake up.
Posted on: Sun, 16 Nov 2014 19:07:02 +0000
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