Im so thankful that my children are no longer in elementary school. Because theyve graduated from K-5, I am no longer under pressure to fling cookie dough on my ceiling and blame it on that #%$@ Elf on a Shelf. You moms of younger children, already out here venting your frustrations...I feel your pain. I know exactly how you feel about those moms who are wayyyyyyy too excited over this creepy little imp, and have turned its escapades into a competition of obsessive over-indulgence that borders on pure insanity. Breathe and take comfort from someone who so failed as an Elf on the Shelf mom...I know firsthand that your children will be FINE if you lack the pep to spring from bed at 3 am to stage an elf dance party. Your children shall not be scarred because you refuse to host an elf rodeo by strapping a mini saddle to the hamsters back. Your children wont grow up lacking because YOU CANT EVEN remove 200 ornaments from the tree and say the naughty elf hid them. Your children wont land in therapy because you dont love them enough to let the elf paint the kitchen with peanut butter, honey, Crisco and a whole lot of holiday glitter. Cross my heart, your little ones will NOT harbor mommy issues because your December nightly rituals dont involve an overpriced piece of plastic in red long johns that could, quite possibly, prove to be Rosemarys baby...planning to poison your waffles after weeks of expecting you to let it sit atop the Christmas tree, get sugared up inside the Fruit Loops and prop itself wherever it wants to, which raises a question that might matter. What is this elf even doing OFF of the shelf? Has anyone considered why the Elf on the Shelf is NEVER on the shelf? As we all mull over that worrisome question, I do just want to say that you moms who are keeping it in perspective and under control -- in my book, youre doing it right . As for those who elevate the elf to an art form, youre also doing it right as long as you and your children really enjoy sharing it together. But to those who treat that 14 inch elf like its a measuring stick for good or better mommy-ness, or who take smug delight in trying to work it to make other mothers feel like theyre falling short? Well, those moms (who dont encourage other moms) are the true, bottom line reason why I hate Elf on the Shelf...that and him being a no-soul pixie of perdition capable of morphing into the Zuni warrior doll from Trilogy of Terror. But mainly, its those moms.
Posted on: Tue, 02 Dec 2014 10:19:29 +0000
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