Im sorry guys. I deleted my facebook again this morning but I couldnt leave it be. I got all my pictures on here and it helps me feel closer to all the people I cant see in real life but this writing thing man. The level of anxiety that I end up feeling from the pain in my teeth just makes me nuts. People always say that I need to just go to the university and its like... dude I have a bilateral cleft lip and palate, I dont exactly have the most textbook of mouths and if anything goes wrong(at this point Im not looking at some mere extraction,this is gonna be surgery for sure, sick of surgeries)I want whoevers doing that to know what theyre doing. I know how that might sound but this is my mouth. I dont want to wake up with a broken jaw if I can avoid it. So anyway, I kinda flip out a little bit sometimes. If God doesnt do something or somebody doesnt do something then Im as good as dead. Which is fine, honestly but Im tired of always hurting unless I dont eat anything. So I flip out a lot sometimes, Often times I kinda feel like Ive been forgotten about. Which is also fine but that hurts too. I make a lot of posts sometimes that might resemble religious pride but thats not what it is. What it is is that Im trying to remind myself(and anybody else that needs it)that God hasnt forgotten me(or them), because I know He hasnt. If it wasnt for Him then things would probably be worse with my teeth than they are. If this all sounds like some sort of convenient excuse to you then feel free to remove me from your facebook(that might sound mean but it isnt supposed to, I just mean I dont need to be kept around out of pity. I do have people that love me no matter what, if youre not in my life because you genuinely care then its truly okay to go without guilt or shame). It wont hurt me if you do and I wont judge you for it(not that I think it should matter if I did). Making people feel like garbage isnt actually something I care to do. Which is why Im trying not to write anymore and just stick to making jokes. If I get into anything of substance or depth then it might get ugly and Im sick of making people feel attacked. Thats so far from what I wanna be doing.
Posted on: Mon, 21 Jul 2014 21:12:49 +0000
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