Im starting to see posts now, posts about how maybe, if only they knew how they were loved, how much they mattered, how much they would be missed, maybe depressed people would stop short of that final, awful act. But I know the people posting those things have never had to fight depression with their own bare hands. Heres the thing those of us whove lived with that demon know, but really cant properly explain to the rest of you: Depression lies. It lies so well. It can convince you that none of those things matter. That none of those things are enough. That people are just making fun of you. Or a host of other things. It is a slick, sneaky, shape-shifting demon, and once you are in its spell, it is very hard to break the illusion it casts. You cant do it with logic. You cant do it with compliments. In fact, after fighting it off most of my life, including close to 20 years when I took antidepressants to keep it at bay, I still cant tell you exactly what did the trick. Its like those eye-brain puzzles, where when you look at it one way, you see a duck, but another way and you see city or something. Its a perspective shift. A million people can walk past and say Oh, its a city but until your brain makes the leap, all you can find is that d*mn duck. Im still not sure how I made the shift. And I know -- I always know and constantly monitor for the signs -- that it could come back. It probably will. Someday. And I hope that I see through its lies long enough to remember to fight.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 01:27:31 +0000
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